This is from a writing prompt, Gina Barreca threw down. Fearless in Chicago The only things that grow, apart from single-cell organisms, do so by detaching themselves. This is what I had to separate myself from in order not to remain a single-cell organism: my fears. I’m still battling my co-dependency with fear. There is sometimes comfort in using it to hold myself back. As if it is a legitimate argument. I mean, no one expects me to put my hand in a box full of spiders, right? So sometimes fear feels like something safe to hold on to. It makes sense on some level. Fight or flight. Flight can be the best choice in certain situations. And I do love flying. But here is what I know to be true at this point in my life. Any time I have challenged myself to do something inspite of my fears, I have advanced. And the more I conquer and actually do well at whatever I have decided to take on, it builds confidence. It makes me more willing to take on other challenges that are uncomfortable. I grew up with a father who didn’t tolerate mistakes. They weren’t for learning, they were for shaming. My sphincter still puckers around family members if I make an obvious error. It is in all of us. I can be my own worst enemy when it comes to feeling bad about doing something deemed “wrong” or “stupid.” But I am also a quick learner. Okay, if you consider learning something over a period of fifty years or so, quick. But I have learned that a mistake or misstep isn’t fatal. Nor is it something to be ashamed of. It actually helps shape me and teach me. Imagine that? My bravest moments involved doing improvisational comedy to test my skills at making people laugh, beyond just my friends and family; and attending an Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop. All. By. Myself. Each decision was terrifying. Each choice resulted in some of the greatest moments of my life. In addition to challenging me and confirming certain things I knew about myself, I met people who enriched my life and understood the desire to do comedy, or at least hone my humor. It really all boils down to the need for approval of the masses to make me feel valued and worthy. Perfectly natural. So by ripping the band aid off and not letting fear rule, I found myself. And people came into my life who were uplifting and supportive. People who help push the negative dialogue in my head out, and fill it with strength and goodness. I will never put my hand in a pile of spiders, but I sure as hell will detach myself from the fears that matter, because I’d rather be the spider, than the fly. ~ Amy F Sherman
Posted on: Sun, 16 Nov 2014 20:12:57 +0000
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