This is going to be a pretty long message, but I’m hoping that what I’m about to share will help anyone who has allowed their work and career to cause them the kind of stress that will land them in the emergency room. It has taken me nearly two months to settle myself down and get completely back on track, but on Thursday, October 16, 2014, the emergency room is exactly where I ended up. When I arrived, my resting heart rate was 120, my blood pressure was sky high, my chest was tight and heavy, and I struggled with shortness of breath. I was sure I was either having a heart attack or that I had a blood clot in my lung. Either way, I knew for sure I was dealing with a life-threatening situation. The symptoms were so severe, that I began to panic, and I had never felt more afraid about anything. But after running a great number of tests, my ER doctor came in and told me I didn’t have a blood clot, and I didn’t have congestive heart failure. He also told me that all my other blood levels were normal, which I couldn’t believe. And that’s when he asked me the million dollar question: What was I doing to cause myself to be under such an extreme amount of stress? At that moment, I couldn’t help thinking back to the 7 weeks of daily writing (many of those days I wrote 10-12 hours straight), along with all the events I’d attended weekly in between. From May through November, all the back-to-back traveling to events, fighting to meet a past-due writing deadline for my 2015 book, worrying about the fact that I still hadnt started my next book which should have already been finished, too, and then preparing for the release of my Christmas book at the end of October and yet more travel…well it finally got the best of me. This year (as well as last year), I traveled to so many events and did so much writing/publishing related work that I couldnt see how I was ever going to catch up. By June and July, it got to the point where I had to pass on doing 3 local events and some out-of-town events, even though I wanted to say, “yes,” to everyone who asked me. I remember feeling a huge amount of guilt, because you can usually tell when people aren’t happy that you’ve said, “no,” even when you genuinely apologize and try to explain why you can’t. I remember wishing I’d had the courage to tell everyone just how exhausted and stressed out I really was---how I’d spent a number of days this summer, breaking into tears because I had so much on my plate I didn’t know which way to turn—and this was all because of my own doing, my own choice to overwork myself. There were days when I didn’t have the energy or desire to even go out of the house. Worse, I hadn’t seen my immediate and extended family members the way I’d wanted and needed to. I’d even canceled a trip to one of our family reunions in July. Many of my family members right here in town, I hadn’t gotten to speak to by phone, let alone see in months. But I decided right then and there, that going forward, this all had to change. I saw my primary care physician four days after being in the ER, and he advised me to slow things down for at least the next 12 – 18 months. Needless to say, I am not going to ignore him. He says I simply can’t continue the way I’ve been going, and I believe him. If you’ve communicated with me here on Facebook, by email, or you’ve met me in person, you know that I love my career and I LOVE my readers. But two months ago, I realized I just can’t keep up the pace I’ve been on for far too long. Will has worried about me and my work schedule for two years, but I really thought I was fine and could handle it. Truth is, most of us can’t. It just seems like we can, because we’re so used to pushing ourselves to an unthinkable limit and don’t know when to stop. At least I didn’t know when to stop, anyway. But now that I know better, I’ve vowed to do better, and in 2015, I’ll be taking a break from just about all writing/publishing-related travel until my next book is released in June. This isn’t to say I won’t schedule any additional events (as I do have an Atlanta event scheduled for January), but I won’t be traveling nearly as much as I did this past 12 months. I do apologize to everyone I won’t get to see over the next 5 months, but I pray you will understand. Having taken off the entire month of December and finally having the courage to say “no” to nearly all recent requests, I’m feeling better already, but I just need to rest and regroup for a few more months so I can continue writing. I also want to thank everyone who has told me that it is time I take a break from trying to do everything, and that I should never feel guilty about doing so. The other thing I’ve learned is that sometimes we need to experience a huge dose of reality, which in my case, was a middle-of-the-afternoon emergency room visit, along with some tough love and advice from the people who care about me. I will say, too, that while I wish I hadn’t ended up at the hospital in total distress, I’m grateful that I did, so that I can now do what I need to do to find some balance. I also hope that if you are in an extremely stressful state right now, that you will take heed and make some huge changes in 2015. Being overly stressed, both physically and emotionally, for any other reason isn’t good, not to mention, it can cause you more harm than most of us would imagine. Finally, as we prepare to enter a brand new year, I am excited, encouraged, and most of all, grateful for all the blessings I know God has planned for every single one of us—you, me, as well as for each of our family members and friends. I love you all, and Happy New Year’s Eve! Kimberla
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 22:30:39 +0000
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