This is my true story, It tells why we need to save all the horses. Meghans Story. Hey There, my name is Meghan Dixon. I have a Autism Spectrum Disorder known as Asperger Syndrome, I also have Bipolar. Before I had horses in my life I was suffering from my Autism, I was also having a lot of problems with my bipolar. I was also suffering from, Depression, Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bullying, Self Harm, Suicide, Mental Illness, And a lot of other things. I was able to over come all these things with the help, And love from the horse. This is my story. When I was born, And a young child My Mom knew there wasnt something right. I was having problems. I would throw tantrums, I would struggle with things that normal children didnt struggle with. I have always had meltdowns, And would do things that other kids didnt do. I never made eye contact with people. My Mom said at the age of 2, She was thinking I had Autism, But I was able to speak. I would hurt myself when I got upset, Because of my Autism spectrum disorder, I didnt know how to express my feelings like other people do, So I would bite myself when I got mad, And would throw myself on the floor. So My Mom took me to the doctor, They doctor told my Mom about the biting If she hurts herself enough, She will stop And told my Mom that there was nothing wrong with me, Except that Im spoiled. When I started school, I learned differently then others and had a VERY hard time. Then the teacher knew something wasnt right, So They took me back to the doctor They diagnosed me with ADD. So they treated me like I had ADD. But it was not ADD, And they found that out. When I started 3rd Grade They sent me to a specialist, I had to see a lot of doctors, Shortly after they found out I had a Autism Spectrum Disorder known as Asperger Syndrome. Asperger Syndrome is a mild for of Autism, It is a type of High Functioning Autism. I had a VERY sever case of Asperger Syndrome. School was always a living nightmare for me, I also have learning disabilities. I struggled in school, I had trouble doing the school work, I was held back a year in kindergarten. I had difficulties learning. I learn differently then other people. I was then put in special education classes. It is also very hard for me to communicate with people, Its hard for me to think things through and talk like you. When I been bullied my whole life, The bullying got worse in the 3rd grade, But then when I got to 5th grade it was the worse it has ever been, This is when everything started falling apart. I been mocked, teased, laughed at, hurt, bullied, judged, and rejected for things that are way beyond my control, On top of that I never been good at socializing or making friends with people. I dont understand people, Or how to communicate with them. I have always wanted a friend. Every night before I went to sleep, I would pray to God and Jesus and ask, “Please give me a true friend!” My Christmas list wish was to have just one friend. I became angry at God for making me this way! I didnt understand why he wasnt answering my prayers. No one wanted to be my friend, And I did not understand why. On top of that, I didnt understand their sarcasms. To me they were being rude and mean. When I would react with hurt feelings, they would either laugh at me or say I was weird. It was as if I was on this crazy alien planet- and I was the alien! Just when I thought I had made a friend, they would leave me and not want to have anything to do with me. I couldnt understand what I had done wrong. No matter how hard I tried, I could not make friends with people. I would always fail. I seemed to be every bully’s favorite person to pick at. The students at the school I went to, Made me feel like a parasite who infected the world. The bullies would tease me or tell me to do things, and then laugh at me. They would call me names like freak, retard, fat, ugly, and tell me I was worthless. I even been told to go kill myself, They even told me that God put me here as a Joke, That Im a mistake, They even said other things to me. They would always laugh at me. They did unimaginable things to me. The bullies would also trip me in the halls at school, They would start rumors about me, Say things that wasnt true, They would even push me out of the lunch lines. When I would cry or become upset and have a ‘meltdown’, they would stand there and laugh. I even had problems with my teachers. They told my Mom and me that I was being manipulative. They would say that I looked like I was a normal kid and that there was not anything wrong with me except that I was spoiled. There was even times when the teachers would make us pick groups and have a partner, No one wanted me in their group, They would fight about having to be partners with me. I was also very mentally ill, I was diagnosed with bipolar, depression, and anxiety, I also got post traumatic stress disorder from the bullying and the things that went on at school. I become broken, And lost. It was like I was broken and lost in a world that did not want me. I also would have mood swings. One hour I could be happy, Then mad, Then sad, I become manic depressed because of the bullying and the things people did to me. I became psychotic. I self harmed, It started out as I would bite my hands or arms when I had melt downs. Most of the time as a kid, I could not like express my feelings or anything, Because of my Autism Spectrum Disorder I would strike out in pain, And frustration so I would bite myself to relieve my built up tension. As a kid everyone made fun of the bite marks on my arms, Then at the age of 15 I started cutting myself. Most of the people would look at me like I was insane. I tried so hard to let my pain out a healthy way, But I couldnt do it. Some people look at me and say that I look normal, But they dont know what its like being sick and in pain on the inside while you look fine on the outside. You cant see the autism in me! Not all disabilitys are visible, Mine are invisible. I would even get bullied by the teachers, The teachers hated me. I was even told by teachers that I was unteachable. I learn different then other people. School was nothing but a struggle for me. Sometimes when I would get bullied, The teachers would take the bullys side and would call me a liar. The teachers refused to help me with the bullying, Some teachers told me Its Life deal with it. I have never been asked to spend the night a friend’s house, nor have any come to my house. I have never been invited to parties like other girls my age. I was the awkward outcast girl In school, Nobody wanted to sit by, talk to or be friends with. I even got voted off all the lunch tables, I had to eat lunch in the bathroom, Because No one wanted me at their table. I then started hearing voices telling me to hurt myself or kill myself. My mind was filled with darkness, I had so many thoughts that were killing me. The very first thing they also did when I got Diagnosed, Was the Doctors put me on Medication. I been on over 500 different types of medication through out my life, It made me gain weight. So I am Plus-Sized, I always been bigger and heavier then others. People always make fun of me and treat me differently because I am Fat they say! It really hurts me. All. through Middle School, And High School, The boys and other students always talked about how ugly, And Fat I am. I was rejected by lots of people. I still from this day get told, That Im not pretty, And get judged because I am bigger. I even get told, That I am stupid. I become so afraid of people. The medication caused me a lot of problems. I always would hear thoughts in my head telling me that the things the bullies said to me was true. I become suicidal as a result. I started taking pills, And tried to over dose. It never worked. I even remember in high school the boys getting into a fist fight because they didnt want me in their group for the class project, And I got in trouble by the teacher for it. They acted like I had a disease that was contagious, And they didnt want near me. I even felt like the most ugly girl to walk the earth, I hated myself, And who I was. Because of the things people said to me, I would lay in bed at night and cry... Cry because I thought I was ugly, Cried because of all the comments people would burst out. I would never sleep at night, I would stay up all night and have panic, And anxiety attacks about what was going to happen the next day, Just to get through the day was a endless chore for me. Ive sat in silence and cried plenty of times. Ive let it defeat me, Made me think Im worthless, I let the burden of my thoughts get to me. What people do not seem to understand is that, Depression is not just a sadness. It is kind of like a emotion of lonely and inner madness. It gives you thoughts of pain and loss, That people do not seem to understand. It also makes you lash out in ways that no one understands. Only some one who is going through this will know what its like, Hurting, And feeling pain and sick on the inside, While you look fine on the outside, No one seems to know what its like until you go through it. I then began to hate myself, Like I was my own worse enemy. I hated myself and who I was. I felt like, And thought that I am the most ugly girl in the world, I hated everything about me, I hated my skin, my body, and my hair. They said that I was too fat, too ugly, and a fool, I could never be perfect. Society is cruel! The monster within me would not go free, And it was like I was addicted to the pain. I then had to be institutionalized in a mental hospital, I even had to see a lot of therapist and doctors. I wished that I was dead most of the times, I thought that if I killed myself it would all be better. I was becoming a different person. I didnt know or understand why no one liked me, Or accepted me. I just couldnt understand why I had to live this unhappy life! It also seemed like everyone gave up on me. I struggled to live up to peoples expectations, But people treated me like I was never going to be good enough! No matter how hard I tried I always failed. My whole world was falling apart. On top of that I have a disability that no one can see, Not all disabilitys are visible mine are invisible. I felt so alone. I didnt have any friends. I was all alone in this fight. No one understand me, No one knew or understand what went on in my head. People dont understand how hard it is to explain whats going on in your head when you dont even understand it yourself. I was not able to defend myself. I would have melt downs everyday. My autism was becoming very sever, It was taking over me. I would have melt downs everyday, I could not control myself. The bullying then made my behavior very violent. I was lashing out at my family members. I wanted to be accepted. I then had to drop out of school, I was not learning nothing in school anyways, The teachers did not want to teach me because I got labeled as being difficult because of my learning disabilities. I tried going to a charter school, But the bullying was the same there. I got rejected by other schools, So I was not able to go to high school, I went only half a year to high school, And could not take it. I then tried to kill myself. I always loved horses ever sense I was a little girl, If you asked me what i wanted to be when I grew up I would say A Cow Girl! I thought a lot about the day my Dad took me to ride my first horse. I was 4 at the time. My Mom wasnt there that day, and it was a good thing because that day was also the first time I was thrown from a horse! I think it was after church because I remember that I had on a dress and dress shoes. The boy my dad and I went to visit told my Dad that his horse was gentle. My Dad put me on him and as soon as he sat me down on his back the horse started bucking, and off I went. My dad says I did a somersault in the air. Dad ran to me to see if I was OK but I just jumped up and said, “That was fun! Can we do it again?” That was when I fell in love with Horses, I talked about nothing but that horse for a very long time. When I was in like the 3rd grade I got to take pony riding lessons, I fell in love with the ponys I worked with named Outlaw, And Cactus. So just as I thought all hope was gone..... Something amazing happened. Just as I thought my world was over, My Dad took me to his friends farm, He told me he had a surprise for me. He had told his friend, That he was looking for me a good horse to ride, And work with. So my Dads friend was saving this horse just for me. I met the very special horse. He was a older rescue horse who had been abused. My Dad took me to meet this horse, When I first met him, I thought What happened to this horse. He had a drooping lower lip, And on the left side of his face it looked like he was missing his cheek bone, He was like me. He had a lot of scars. He told me that life hadnt always been good to him, and that he thought I would make the perfect owner to show him love and happiness. He was saved from abuse, And slaughter. They told me his name was The King Elvis- because of his drooping lip. That is when I realized that, The King Elvis was a lot like me. I got to take The King Elvis home. God had finally sent me my true friend! That beautiful Quarter Horse, Named The King Elvis! When ever I looked into the eyes of this horse, I could see and feel the healing hands of God. That horse became my best friend. The King Elvis saved my life - And I saved his life. Shortly after my world began to change. The King Elvis saved me from suicide. He gave me some of the best times of my life. Me and that horse had some adventures together. That horse helped me in so many ways, He gave me hope, Helped me with a disability when no one else could, Gave me compassion when no one else would. He also helped me turn my autism, And disabilities into a gift, Helped me over come my autism, And disabilities, And was able to teach me new things. Most of all he saved my life, And rescued my heart and soul. I would go out and ride him for hours. When I had a bad day, I would either ride him, or just lay my head on his withers and cry my eyes out. He would never move to get away from me. He always made me feel better and I knew he would always be there for me to ride, talk to, or cry on his big brown shoulder. That horse helped me in so many ways. That horse even re-built my battered self esteem. I even got to compete in horse shows and rodeos, I then began working with all kinds of different horses, And started going to a equine therapy stable. I loved to barrel race and jump more then anything. I then learned how to deal with my autism, And disabilities, anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress disorder, And a lot more just by riding and working with horses. When I got to compete it was like for once in my life I could succeed and win at something, This gave me back my self esteem. Horses are Heros Horses are also therapy for me. I tried all those Autism therapys But none of them worked for me, The only therapy that worked for me was the horse. When I ride I feel like I am on top of the world, It feels like I can conquer the world. For once in my life when I am with the horse, And Riding the horse its like I dont even have disabilities anymore. My autism became more milder. Now that I have horses in my life, I have no more melt downs. Even my family sees a difference in me. When I get up on the back of a horse and ride, All my problems just melt away. My parents could never get me to smile, But when I got up on the back of a horse I got my first smile. I no longer suffered from depression anymore, The horses help take my pain away. The horses are the best cure for my depression, And anxiety. They say that there is no cure for Autism, But I believe that the horse has helped opened up a new world for me, And they can and will for other people like me. The horses has helped me deal with a lot of my autism, The autism is still there but it is now a gift. Horses give me happiness and hope, In a world I thought was hopeless. Horses also teach me how to love, learn, trust and to believe in myself. Horses have made a huge difference in my life, They make my world a better place. Horses also give purpose, And meaning to my life, They give me the courage to face the world. There is a healing power in horses. I can see and feel the healing hands of God when I look in to the eyes of a horse. There is something magical about the horse. The horse saved my life, And I want to do the same for them. I finally found my true friends, My horses are my true best friends. I never knew that, The horse was the answer to my prayers, I never knew that some day the horse would save my Life. Still from this day, The horse continues to save me, And help me over come. We all fall down sometimes, And when I fall down, The horse is always there to pick me back up. They are always there for me through my rise and falls. They help me to understand the way I am. Then, one terrible day, The King got sick- and when we went to call the vet, he died in the barn and was taken from me. It was the most painful day of my life. The day that he died was the day that half of my heart and soul died. I will never forget the day that King went away. Here is a poem I wrote for the King Elvis: “The King Elvis I remember the day I came to save you, I knew that I needed you as much as you needed me. This is the place I will stay, this is the place I will be, forever just you and me. When I looked into your eyes and you looked into my eyes, it was like you could read my mind. You would never let me fall behind. I knew you were treated bad, and I knew you were sad. You would never give up on me as I would never give up on you. Oh, how could anyone do this to you, you have two big brown eyes full of love and a heart of gold. I will never let you go. You are the part of me that I need, the part that makes me complete. You are the true meaning between love and friendship. You take my pain away. On a rainy day you brighten my days. You make my world a better place. I will never let you fade away you are here to stay.” R.I.P The King Elvis, we will never forget you, You are a real Hero, I cry just a Little when i think of letting go, I will never let go! The day you died was The day half of my heart and soul died, You rescued my heart and soul! You saved my soul! When I was lost you made me found! I know have my horses Ebony, And The Great Cass Oles Beau. They give me the courage to face the world. Horses are like my therapist, But they are a lot more to me then just a therapist. Horses are heros! There is a healing power in horses. I would not be alive today if it was not for the horse! Horses are what get me through this thing called Life. Horses gave me hope, when I thought all hope was gone! Horses have gave me happiness, my self esteem back, trust, unconditional love. Horses help me to do some things that I can not do on my own like trust, love, learn, how to be happy, and they teach me how to believe in myself. Horses give me the courage to face the world. They give me purpose and meaning to my life. I would not be alive today if it was not for the horse, Horses saved my life. I then got very passionate about saving the horses, I learned about horse slaughter, I started watching videos, And doing research on horse slaughter. I then started doing advocacy work for the horses. The horse is what gave me my voice. The horse also gave me my voice to speak out against bullying, And to speak out for people who are going through what I went through. I found my voice, And place in this world from the horse. I even dedicate all my equine advocacy work to The King Elvis. I want to save all horse, Both wild and domesticated. I even got to meet the wild mustang horses, I got to look in to the eyes of the wild ones. I felt so much love from them. The BLM plans to destroy and kill all the wild horses, So I want to save the wild horses too. I made my own page on Facebook, and joined several equine advocacy groups. I try very hard to make people aware the horrors of horse slaughter and equine abuse. I want to help put an end to horse slaughter. Horses do so much to help many challenged people to do things that they cannot do on their own like, walk, run, jump- but they also comfort you and accept you for who you are. They love you unconditionally. They don’t care if you’re pretty or ugly, fat or thin, or normal or have problems. Horses are the only ones who don’t mock me, tease me, bully me, or hurt me. They love me unconditionally. Horses have always helped me so much. They are my one safe place. I can see the healing hands of God when I look into their eyes. Horses are a very strong motivation to life, Even the wild Mustang horses are. Horses are not just a part of our life, They make us who we are, They make me the strong person I am today. They help me to see and hear more about what is going on in the world around me, The are a symbol of Hope, Power, Grace, Beauty, Nobility, Strength, And Freedom, And a lot of other things. I plan to use my story to help change the world and make it a better place for people, And horses. - Meghan Dixon.
Posted on: Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:49:14 +0000
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