This is the damage Narcissists do. I have been through and am still going through the same thing. Some days are better...some are worse. My shaking and nightmares have gotten much better over the course of the year and a half since I was discarded...like a piece of trash. After 12 years with a man i had 2 beautiful children with...he wouldnt even hug me after coming home from a 12wk tour...a tour where I found out he had been cheating with a girl 1/2 his age ..that worked with him and that I knew. I read the emails..there it was undeniable. Telling me I was crazy, denying what he did, telling me I had BPD...looking for inpatient mental facilities to put me into. I found this out from my therapist whom I saw in Nyc who told me he had called her saying I had been diagnosed and looking for a place to send me. She was shocked as she never thought I had BPD...after 5 years of weekly appointments. I went to a famous bpd dr here (after ex refused to get tested) and was tested...i dont have bpd...i have mild depression, anxiety and i believe i have cptsd as well, though those symptoms are not as strong as they were before...just as this fellow survivor shares. While on this 12wk tour I tried so hard to keep it together...to disguise my pain and what had happened, as I had 2 little girls to raise...alone...during all this. I couldnt do anything without collapsing in a heap on the floor. I remember taking them to see Timothy Green at the movies with my friend and her kids and his mother. I spent the entire movie in the bathroom crying. I was vomiting uncontrollably for almost a year..im 5ft8 and didnt even weigh 100 lbs. Shaking so badly i had to hold a mug with 2 hands to keep it still. I was so weak. I tried to put in the biggest act of my life to spare my children the daddy idol I had built up in their minds...that wasnt even true...he was never there and when he was he ignored us unless he was in front of others and was putting on his show. Fast forward a bit...he moved the girl in who also denied their sick love affair just 3 months after I was forced to move out of our home that I had just renovated...his money, his precious money, but I picked everything out..i wonder how he stands living in 2 homes that are all me...i also did the Ny apt while I was pregnant with our first daughter. I wonder how his gf feels taking a bath in the bath I labored in for so many hours having a homebirth with my first baby girl....he wasnt even sure he would make it for her birth...or the next daughters birth. Im sure he has poisoned her with lies. I too was smeared to all those I thought were my friends with his projections. Its suicidal...its isolating...its destroying. My children and I had to move. We live now in not a great neighborhood so far from their school because you see, he emptied all of our joint accounts. While I was still living there for 6 months he physically abused me...he said I fell. You dont get injuries like I had from falling. He was smearing me to our spiritual minister on the phone..and yes I grabbed the phone from his hands...and ended up waking up on the floor with my chin 3xs the size and unable to walk well because my knee was badly hurt. All in a doorway. My children have had to pay the burden of this the most. They had to move from their home, their playset, their friends, theor toys and clothes. He gave me 20k to move out and buy a home and all new things for the children...even had to buy them new furniture because I was not allowed to take even the furniture I had refinished in my youngest daughters room.. He is now 15k behind in child support and we are forced again to move and give my car back because we are out of money...yet he just bought himself a motorcycle. I will have to start working though Ive been a sahm since the beginning of my childrens lives since he is in town less than 100 days a year. Now they will grow up in after school care from 730am to 6pm. That leaves them 2.5 hours with their mom...for dinner and a bath. There is no other parent here to raise them. They ask for simple things like going swimming but I cant afford to spend the money taking them to the pool. I used to take them to go to broadway shows, museums, we did all kinds of amazing things, but he has taken all that away from them. He thinks he is punishing me...but he is punishing them. Narcissism is a disease that effects the partner...not the person with the disease. It rapes your soul and your mind and your heart and your trust and your innocence. This girl is right...it is very cookie cutter. 1000s of women have been effected..we all have the SAME stories. We have become sisters in a very dark place to be. I have started my own fb group 3 weeks ago. We have 105 members as of today. We are writing a book anonymously filled with all the topics of insanity they have put us through...its all the exact same and that is the point we are trying to get across. Without these women I have never met in person, I dont know that I wouldve made it through. I thank god for my fellow survivors.....i cry with them and pray with them. It is a long recovery. I will probably get in trouble for writing this here on fb, but I dont care anymore. The truth needs to be told. These human predators seek empathetic light souls ...good trusting people to suck from. There are far too many of us. I will never stop talking about it because I dont want anyone or any child to have to be put through what we have. It is my purpose in life now...aside from being the best mommy I can be to my daughters. The abuse has happened already to my 8 yr old who refuses to speak with her father because of the things he has done to her...she is not allowed to have feelings and knows her daddys Jekyll and Hyde behavior. Of course he blames this on me...just like every other failure in his life. I will never stop. Truth always prevails. If I can save 1 person from this wretched disease than i have done my job. The other night i was in tears over a 9 month pregnant mom who was in the bathroom wanting to take her life because of her Npd spouse. Im happy to say she had her baby today. We are strong women and we will heal. “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”.Kahlil Gibran
Posted on: Sun, 31 Aug 2014 04:56:02 +0000