This one time, at band camp...wait, no, that was jail, NEVERMIND! Had a Dr. appt. this am...good news, Im not dead! Good news for me anyway. Dont you love knowing that youve been a sedentary lump of crap all summer and then your Dr. says to you I see youve put on a few pounds.? Isnt that awesome? Dont you love being middle-aged when your metabolism shat itself to death when you turned 30? Damn RIGHT its awesome! Makes you sweat easier than ever without any of the weight loss often associated with sweating. Heart attacks too have a relationship with sweating, the whole cause and effect gambit. Im dying, therefor I shall sweat copiously in an attempt to cause anyone engaged in resuscitating my lardy self great discomfort. Tough to do intense cardio-pulmonary compression with a target rate of 100 bpm when your hands keep slipping off the dying fat guys chest and into his blubbery armpits. That could make a person ill. Id feel compelled to let the fat guy die at that point, nope, sorry pal, this is entirely gross for me to think your death is something Ill regret. And since Im also porktacular Id probably have a heart-attack attempting any kind of CPR and land on top of that poor other fat-ass, 2 lumps of fat lying in a large puddle of sweat, stacked like an ugly-sammich, ripe for all types of speculation from the EMTs that find our misshapen and perspiration-soaked bodies in a strange embrace. I hope I have pants on if that day ever comes. I hope HE has pants on, whoever that poor dead fat bastid is. My blood pressure was kinda high...170 over Fat. My blood sugar was up a little bit, right around Fat percent. He couldnt find my heart with his stethoscope because it was hiding cleverly beneath some FATFATFAT. My cholesterol numbers suggest that Im probably FAT and should get back on a pill that will keep me alive regardless of all the FAT clogging up my FAT arteries that are FAT. Do you ever sense a theme in any of my posts? Its because Im FAT!!! lol You may shut up now, as I am fat and am not afraid to use my weight in a manner custom made to smoosh people that are not fat and real jackholes about it. Skinny people must suffer my fatwrath! Im going to go for a walk...to the refrigerator. And look for some food that has extra fat and salt in it. Maybe a nice bacon milkshake with ham and bacon and extra bacon fatFATfatfaaaaaaaaaatFAT!! Its completely fine with me how anyone else looks. Fat, skinny, short, tall, stupid, ugly, I dont care, I just want to see ya smile. When I gain weight (get fat!) is when Im bothered, and I dont wanna see me smile as it shows off my sudden lack of jawline (not so sudden, I was/am in denial) or the extra 74 chins I grew overnight (more denial) or the reduced energy level or re-growing the moobs I got rid of when I was down to 205. That bothers me. I dont care what other people think, its just that I have to look at myself occasionally to make sure Im clothed or breathing or whatever, and moobs are never a cause for a huge boost of the ol self-esteem. I like my nipples above my belly, not ON it loll...ugh. I almost got run over by a mini-van driven by an Asian gentleman earlier this morning...Id have high-centered the hell outta that mini-van. I swear I saw him mouth the words Fat-ass! loll...shut up. Ironically, I cannot get that damn Meghan Trainor song out of my head. I am not all about that bass, I am about that FAT! Have a day, Im going to have a beer, shut up again. yippee.
Posted on: Wed, 01 Oct 2014 19:56:41 +0000