This post is for those people who appreciate intelligent humour...Hope youll enjoy these as much as I did!.. :) Well, I wouldnt call these jokes as geeky or nerdy like most people do....but yes, you do need to know Math, Physics, Chemistry, little bit of philosophy & of course, most importantly - need to have some common sense...so heres a compilation of some jokes that I really like...Enjoy! ======================================= One day, Einstein, Newton, and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be “It.” As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the floor around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said “I found you Newton,” but Newton replied, “No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!”. ===================================== A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball. The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid. The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral. The engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table ======================= An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer. =========================== Never trust an atom. They make up everything. =========================== An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.” =========================== A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.” ============================= A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.” =========================== A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.” ============================ Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?” ============================ 3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog. =========================== Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.” ============================= A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.” =================================== Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now. ============================== A programmers wife tells him: Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen. The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread. ================================= A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: Euripides? The professor replies: Yes. Eumenides? ================================= The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar. ========================= Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?” ============================= It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. =============================== A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer stay in a hotel. The engineer is awakened by a smell and gets up to check it. He finds a fire in the hallway, sees a nearby fire extinguisher and after extinguishing it, goes back to bed. Later that night, the physicist gets up, again because of the smell of fire. He quickly gets up and sees the fire in the hallway. After calculating air pressure, flame temperature and humidity as well as distance to the fire and projected trajectory, he extinguishes the fire with the least amount of fluid. At last, the mathematician awakes, only again to find a fire in the hallway. He instantly sees the extinguisher and thinks, “A solution exists!”, and heads back into his room. ================================ A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5ft to the left, the chemist takes a shot and misses 5ft to the right, the statistician yells “We got ‘em!” ================================ Two kittens on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first? The one with the lowest mew. =============================== A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks “dry?”, he replies “nein, just one” =============================== This sentence contains exactly threee erors. =============================== Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, “Can I have a glass of H2O.” The second chemist says “Can I have a glass of water too.” The first chemist broke down in tears – his assassination attempt had failed. =====================================- There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet. ================================ An engineer, a chemist, and an economist are marooned on a desert island. They start to brainstorm a way off the island. The engineer says, “we can lash together some branches and make a crude raft and try to make our way back to land somehow.” The chemist says, “with the right materials we could build a really smokey fire and try to signal a plane.” The economist says, “okay let’s assume we have a boat…” ===============================
Posted on: Fri, 14 Mar 2014 14:03:18 +0000
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