This post is inspired by Nystrom, who I only know from afar, but with whom I share a mutual love for a certain furry friend. This morning, he said Facebook is so curated for the good in our lives. How about some confessions bout stuff the aint so great?. Ive thought about that... and I agree (and Im a terrible culprit for it - ever the optimist) - so I am posting this to change that (just a little) - Im not looking for a pity party, but will be sharing stuff that is generally considered taboo to talk about. Over the years, Ive been pretty fortunate to have met and surpassed some challenging goals and obstacles related to academics, athletics and my career, but I got some news earlier this year that makes all of those accomplishments pale and lose just a bit of their shimmer (slightly at first, more so now). You see, from an evolutionary biology perspective, the purpose of life is procreation (not here to start an argument on that, just stating one perspective). For me, being able to have children has been a big deal, and a deal that I promised my husband when we got married. After months of testing, I found out earlier this year that I cannot have children. Im barren. Ive been diagnosed with a shitty disease that causes my ovaries not to work, my hormones to be messed up and a slim to no chance that I can have a child the natural way. As a result of this diagnosis, even if I were to miraculously get pregnant, the chance of carrying to term is less than 50%. Even without pregnancy, my odds of developing type 2 diabetes, endometriosis and a number of female cancers are significantly higher - so yay... my body is essentially rejecting being biologically female. Some who read this will say big whoop - to me, I see that one of the big things that I wanted in life (to have biological children) will likely not happen for me - and that just plain sucks. I feel a failure - to myself, my husband, my family and to a child out there who would have been SO loved. I feel that this news has moved me to the precipice of changing a lot about my life: how I live, what I choose to pursue, and everything else in between. Certain aspects of my life have changed as a result, and there is no going back. Its emotionally gutting, to say the least, and the worst part is that finding someone to talk to (who truly understands and doesnt try to just placate me with sentiments of it will be ok, or you can do IVF, etc.) is so very difficult. So - there is my confession about stuff that aint so great. There is a meme that goes around from time to time which says Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always. Well, this is one of my many battles - and now its out there. Thanks Nystrom for the inspiration.
Posted on: Thu, 18 Sep 2014 14:28:58 +0000