This weeks junk THE BOOGER MAN © by Rusty W. Mitchum I have been noticin here lately that young parents are havin a little more difficulty makin their kids mind. Now, I’m not talkin’ about big kids. Heck, when they get to a certain age, you’re goin to have trouble with all of them. I’m talkin’ about little bitty kids. I don’t care where you go now-a-days, there is always some little kid runnin around causin havoc, and it seems like their mom or dad can’t do anything with them. Oh, they’ll yell things at them like, “Billy, I’m not goin to tell you again,” or “If you keep this up, I won’t take you to McDonalds.” Man, are those some mean threats, or what? The one I really like is, “Okay, do you want to go into time-out?” The first time I heard that one, I didn’t know what they were talkin’ about. I found out from a young parent that it is somethin’ like havin’ to sit in the corner. Heck, when I was a kid and your folks yelled time-out, you’d better look out. It meant that they were takin’ time out to go find somethin’ with which to beat the tar out of you. You’d better not have run off to hide either, because when they found you, and they would, you’d get it twice as bad. Of course, parents now know a lot more about parentin’ than our parents, or even we did. If you don’t believe that, ask them, they’ll tell you. They study books, videos, or take a class on the subject. Then armed with all that knowledge, they still let the little rats walk all over them. I miss the good old days when you told a kid “no” once, and that was it. It seemed simple, but I guess I’m just old and stupid. Another thing that kids don’t know about anymore is the Booger Man. Boy howdy, back when I was a kid, you’d better not do anything wrong, or the Booger Man would get you. Now, to be honest with you, I never really knew just who the Booger Man really was. Oh, I’ve been told that he was the Devil, but to me the Booger Man was worse than that. Don’t get me wrong, a red man with horns, a tail, carryin’ a pitch fork is pretty scary, but to me, my idea of the Booger man was scarier. Do you know how when somebody tells you somethin’, your mind makes a picture of that somethin’ and it sort of sticks with you? Well, that’s the way it was with me. Yep, I pictured the Booger Man as a man made out of boogers. Talk about scary. I know, that’s pretty weird, but who can figure out the mind of a kid. The way the Booger Man thing worked was this; nobody wants to spank a little-bitty kid. So the parent would tell the kid, “Don’t do that or the Booger Man will get you.” Now at first, this might not have any effect on the kid. He’ll go on his merry way doin’ whatever little kids are goin’ to do. (Notice I said “he”. Little girls were never told this because they were always sweet little things, or so their parents thought. We boys who had sisters knew better.) Anywho, the parents had planted the Booger Man seed in our brains, and it started to grow. As all parents know, little seeds like this grow better when it gets dark. Then as soon as they put you in bed, and turn off the light, it blooms. That’s the way it was with me. I would lie in bed and Momma would turn the light out (this was back before night lights were invented). Then all of a sudden the Booger Man would be in the room with me. Oh, I couldn’t see him. He was too clever for that. I could get a glimpse of him every once in a while out of the corner of my eye, but when I’d turn to look at him, he’d disappear. A favorite hidin’ place of his was under the bed. He’d hide under there and wait for my hand to fall off the side of the bed, and then he’d grab it and pull me under there with him. Of course, I was never stupid enough to let my hand fall off the bed. Heck, I still can’t bring myself to let my hand fall off the side of the bed. Do you parents wonder why your kids jump off their bed instead of just swingin’ their legs down? Well, that’s because the Booger Man will grab your legs, too. Another hidin’ place was in the closet. He would make himself almost visible in there. He’d take the form of “white things.” As soon as the light would go out, I’d look at the closet and if the door was open, I could see him. I’d yell for Momma, and here she’d come. “There are white things in the closet,” I’d say. I never told her I knew it was the Booger Man. She’d shut the closet door, but I knew he’d have escaped and crawled under the bed, or in some corner, just out of my sight. So I’d swallow hard and start sayin’ my prayers. Now, I knew prayers would keep the Booger Man at bay, and I also knew that I had to close my eyes to pray, but I always kept one eye open, just in case. Then after I said my “Amen’s,” I’d pull the covers over my head. The Booger Man can’t get you if you are under the covers. Oh, I knew the Booger Man was out there hoverin’ over me, just waitin’ for me to smothercate (that’s when you smother and suffocate at the same time), so he could get me, but I had him fooled. I had my nose just barely out from under the covers so I could breath. Then sometime durin’ the night, I would finally fall asleep. You guessed it, the next mornin’, the Booger man was gone. At least he was gone for the time bein’. I knew he’d be back that night if I was a bad boy. So I’d try to be good, like I was told, so he wouldn’t show back up. You’re not goin’ to believe this, but he always showed back up. Go figure.
Posted on: Sat, 30 Aug 2014 13:55:59 +0000
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