Three years ago today I let myself down. I gave in and didnt walk away when Joshua hit me for the first time. He said it was my fault he said I pushed him over the edge. As of course we were arguing. I always told myself no man will ever hit me twice but yet I didnt walk away, I didnt stop him or tell anyone for that matter. I failed myself that day and I began a depression spiral that made me believe I deserved to be with someone who punished me. That this is what I get so I might as well make the best out of it right?..... No. I sit here 3 years later with my husband and children by my side. A husband who builds me up in every way I need and protects me and loves me every second he can. A husband who IS my knight who IS MY HERO! He has shown me that I dont deserve to be punished to be beaten down in anyway. I am still in complete shock everyday that I , the girl who there years ago was laying on the floor with a knot on her head, scratches on her body, a black eye and a broken heart, could ever be as happy as I am with with Ryan. I love you Ryan thank you so much for being the man I needed and wanted:) I pray every single day that my children learn this one from MY mistake and NEVER have to learn it themselves. I pray someone may read this who was me three years ago and gets the courage to end it, or keeps the courage to walk away the first time. I didnt know he would flip a switch and be a different person, I didnt know that day when I woke up I would end it in pain but I did. I let it continue for a year and a half... Being beaten down mentally physically and emotionally constantly. But I am proud today to say I did get out, I did put an end to it... ONCE I SPOKE UP! There ARE people there to help you just have to ASK! The moment I opened my mouth the amount of support I got from family and friends was overwhelming and gave me the STRENGTH to WALK AWAY!! It wasnt a one day thing but I can officially say a year and half later my nightmares, my panic attacks and my flashes are GONE! My husband has supported me and helped me through every episode and proven to me THERE ARE GOOD GUYS OUT THERE.. Waiting for you to wake up and see them! I am so thankful for Ryan and everything he has done for me. He could have walked away and said I dont want that baggage but instead he held my hand and said I will never hurt you and I promise to prove that to you even if it takes a life time.
Posted on: Fri, 04 Jul 2014 12:07:41 +0000
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