Thursday, July 17, 2014: I spoke to my lord spiritual and tithe-tual, Can-Ayo-Can, about the situation in the Middle East. He has not stopped calling as the fight escalates. He was passionate that my government should support Israel. His passion made me offer to visit Gaza and Israel to help them resolve that crisis. With my experience containing the excesses of Boko Haram, I can show the two sides the way to a lasting peace. I wanted to give Apama some secret information to write a book for me using a Pseudonym. I wanted the book to be called. “Jonathan: The President Nobody Knows.” But I have been told that the man is busy collecting materials to write his own book. But I really want to repaint my image out there. Apama showed me on Saharareporters what this other small girl writer wrote about me- something about my miraculous deliverance. I could not finish reading it. It was too long and too boring. I know what her problem is. Since the censorship board delayed the release of her movie, she has been getting more and more irritated. Does she know that I’m the one who pressed the buttons to let them release the movie? I know what is eating her up. I have not organized a reception for her the way I did for Malala. I know it. She wants me to gather all Nigerians and raise her hand and proclaim her the one who will write the great Nigerian novel. When I thought she was a good person, I actually toyed with that idea of acknowledging what she has achieved by putting her on a postal stamp. But Apama told me it is too premature and that he, Apama, is on course to write the Great Nigerian novel. So she is just the forerunner. Friday, July 18, 2014: Ajasco came and suggested that I should be photographed reading a book. I was mad that he interrupted the Candy Crush game I was playing on my cell phone to tell me that nonsense. Then they all gathered - Ajasco, Apama and Jegede - to debate which book I should pretend I was reading for the picture. Patie walked in and overheard what we were talking about. She suggested that I hold “Eze Goes to School.” When she left the room, I could not hold myself anymore. I said to the gang, “Dia is a God ooo.” Ajasco said I should hold “Americanah” and see if that small girl butterfly who thinks herself a bird will get off my case. I decided to hold the History of West Africa. I made a goodwill phone call to my friend, Jacob Zuma, as the world marks Mandela Day. One day, long after my enemies have all died off, Nigeria will pick a day to remember as mine. I dreamt about Israel and Hamas. On the screen of the TV, I saw a news flash that said, “Israel Enters Gaza” and underneath that was a ticker that said, “Jonathan Enters Sambisa.” I woke up, sweating. saharareporters/2014/07/23/secret-diary-president-jonathan-aged-56-and-23-years-rudolf-ogoo-okonkwo
Posted on: Thu, 24 Jul 2014 08:36:29 +0000
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