Tiki & I are Super Cosmic Once again Friday night is here, the beginning of another weekend. These are the hardest days of the week for me to get through without you. The weekends used to be our days to be with each other, to do things together, or to just hang out. We shut the world out and just enjoyed each other’s company. Now they are the loneliest days. I try to keep myself busy, but the loneliness is always in the background. Tonight I spent some time chatting on some grief support websites. Ive also been thumbing through C.S. Lewis’ work “A Grief Observed” for some useful insights. I came across two interesting observations which I am posting below. If, as I cant help suspecting, the dead also feel the pains of separation (and this may be one of their purgatorial sufferings), then for both lovers, and for all pairs of lovers without exception, bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love. - C.S. Lewis, “A Grief Observed” “Suppose that the earthly lives she and I shared for a few years are in reality only the basis for, or prelude to, or earthly appearance of, two unimaginable, super cosmic, eternal somethings.” ― C.S. Lewis, “A Grief Observed” The first one struck me because in my grief it hadnt occurred to me that you also may be suffering pangs of separation. This bereavement thing may be a process that we both are experiencing, and a sort of purgatory that we both must go through in order for our souls to continue to evolve and to deepen our relationship. Throughout my whole bereavement I’ve been looking to you for comfort and consolation, but now I have to consider that you may be looking for the same from me. It may very well be that you found some way to put C.S Lewis’ words in front of me as way to let me know that you are grieving too. From now on, I will try to pay more attention to whatever you might be trying to convey to me. And when we talk, I will try to see things from your perspective and try to be comforting and consoling to you. Just as in our physical lives together, we still need to be cognizant of each other’s feelings and needs. We need to hold on to and to support each other and to love each other as we continue our journey. The second observation gave me great consolation and hope. Our earthly lives are just a preview of what’s to come. We arent just mortal bodies, but spiritual, cosmic, eternal beings. Our earthly existence is just one aspect of our eternal lives. We are now transitioning from an earthly, physical existence to one that has no bounds. We must be partially separated for a while as our souls evolve, but we will be reunited. We will become one with the Light and our Love will be perfect. I hope you find these words as consoling as I do. I wish I could physically put my arms around you and hold you as I tell you these things. I’m still a mortal and it’s hard for me to convey my feelings for you without being able to touch, feel, smell, taste, and hear you. I can only try to reach you with my thoughts, hope they are getting through to you, and trust that you understand the intensity and depth of my feelings for you. It’s time for me to take our dogs out. Your Madison wants to go now and is being very impatient with me. After I take them out, I’m going to put on my PJs, lie down in bed, and read for a while. So I’ll say good night now. I carry you to bed in my heart. I love you. P.S. I hope I didnt bore you with all my philosophizing tonight, Honey. If you were here, I can almost hear you saying “Jim, you’re droning again”.
Posted on: Sat, 26 Apr 2014 01:00:58 +0000