Time to come clean I suppose. Since my insides are starting to snitch on my outside whether I like it or not. Not sure exactly whats up, but its been getting harder and harder to pull off my 10hr facade of being strong and positive at work. At least until I can make it to my house or moms house & collapse long enough to recover. After finally fighting off a recent case of blood poisoning. Returning fever and a CBC Showed I still have a high count in my blood. AKA/ Infection. So back on the antibiotics for a while. Though not 100 percent certain exactly where its coming from/ with my past medical history, Im not absolutely certain I want to know. Slowly starting to come around once again, maybe it will take this time. But always been very adamant about not letting anybody see me down. (Which explains why when not at work or at moms/ spend the majority of my time at home alone where nobody can tell) Its easy to tough it out at work for 10 hours or hide behind it on facebook when youre at home. Definitely hoping to get back to normal as soon as possible. Hate the feeling of letting friends or co- workers down or alienating friends and family without being able to get them an explanation. Ergo this explanation.... so I dont seem like a narcissistic, egomaniac. When Im on I usually try to give 150%. Unfortunately when Im off. Im completely off. I dont tend to have anywhere in between. So as soon as I get back to some sense of normalcy. Im going to try and find some type of happy medium. My deepest apologies to anybody I may have disappointed, let down, alienated or even pushed away,in an attempt at concealment. (Going to try to listen the doctors instructions this time/ Bed rest, fluids,antibiotics and no gym)... Staying in the bed and not going to the gym are going to be the hardest ones. I guess tomorrow will tell. (At least its good to see Based on the above novel that my OCD is still quite intact) Lol.......End Rant!
Posted on: Thu, 25 Sep 2014 01:04:21 +0000
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