To my true friends and family, I need you to listen for a second. I know Im hard to understand sometimes. Im trying hard to adjust back to normal. I have extreme generalized anxiety. Its new and has gotten bad the last 2-3 months. I went seeking professional help, I feel like I make unfair conclusions and struggle with some meanings. Ive just started a medicine that is designed to block serotonin (a stress hormone). Little things that mean nothing to you, like lack of eye contact, can illogically make me think you hate me or that Ive committed some unknown offense, in all fairness you might have been checking your cell phone under the table, but Ill focus on that regardless of how insignificant for hours. I see little things as being big giant scary things. Im not crazy, Im not incapable of rational thought or priority, just my thought process finds a little thing that isnt normal for your personal behavior or seems different and I somehow make it seem negative towards me. I have good self esteem and in general a positive personality. I have lost a few friends because of problems controlling my worry and stress. I am trying and have improved a lot. I want to be normal. Just hearing other people fight is enough to make me vomit because I take on stress that isnt mine. Im not asking you to shelter me from negativity, I ask that you dont get annoyed if I have to ask what something meant. If it meant something or nothing, dont be offended, when you answer honestly you reinforce my real logic not the anxiety. I need help sorting what is an out of portion prospective and what is solid logic. I do have both in my head but its a lot like asking what one is good and what one is evil. I cant assume all is good, I cant assume all is bad, but Im mixing them up because hormones overpower logic. I have medicine helping with the one. It is only a week old, but I already feel more free of mindless worry. Try to be understanding, based on the pace Im moving Ill be back to the sunshine and rainbows me in a month or so. I am blessed by the few who have been supportive. Im not excusing all of my behaviors, later I recognize if I was wrong in something and apologize. I just ask that you try to understand it isnt on purpose and I am very admit about controlling my panic attacks and needless worry. I was putting in a lot of effort to hide what seemed to be crazy behavior and have for a long time. I started getting 4-5 attacks a day and I think it started to not be so hidden anymore. in one week of medicine that blocks stress hormones Im down to maybe 1-2. I will be back to the happy everything has a positive side me in a few weeks. Please have patients. I love you all and really want you around. Its a learning process for me too, Im over the worst parts. Its just kinda scary when I feel like Im all alone in my fight to improve.
Posted on: Sun, 17 Aug 2014 07:14:46 +0000
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