To socialize is not a piece of my design; I’m much more content within my own mind; verbalizing my thoughts has never been a strength of mine Please don’t misinterpret my anti-social nature as an act of negativity, I’m kind, really I’m still picking up on acceptable social behaviors of everybody—it’s a struggle with individuality, and my seasonally skewed perception of reality And my ability to get the words out right is always an internal fight, but I can express myself in written rhyme I grew up with one friend outside of the city I lived in; grew up in an apartment complex with four family members and senior citizens, my great grandparents below me, and my great-great aunt diagonally across the hallway; Went to school in Thornton where my other grandparents lived, the second home of my childhood for days or weeks, as my mom worked in on call and overnight respiratory therapy; It was there and then that I had my only friend, Brittany; Back at the apartment, isolating was part of my normal daily activities It wasn’t until moving from Wheat Ridge to Westy that I really socialized; went to high school and my social life exploded; so many people seemed so interested in me Everyone seemed to follow my lead, and many tried to tend to my needs; it was all so new to me, like I just became one of the cool kids I used to see on the streets that I envied; Got into parties and started smoking weed, but I was already a reject of society, rebellion it seems, had already been a part of what makes me, me The rules just seem to be based on stupidity, and I’m not well known for my complacency Hung out with the rebels, the Blob of Black--outcasts of society; I fit in so naturally, but it didn’t take long to get tired of the group mentality; or to be burned out from social-anxiety; Crowds and noises have always been overwhelming to me; they bring out my defensively offensive irritability, I really have no intention of being a burden to anybody It’s all part of my nurture and design, and I’m still in the process of re-wiring; I’m still not used to socializing And I’m getting tired of apologizing
Posted on: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 00:11:35 +0000
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