To the boy with blue eyes who stole my heart, You don’t own me anymore. And I know that if you were here you’d say that you never did, but we both know that’s a lie; today is the first day In months that I have been an entire 24 hours without seeing those piercing blue eyes staring back at mine and, I have never felt more free. Yet I have never felt more alone because I don’t see water as blue anymore instead I see water and I see your eyes, and I see me, drowning in you, breathing you in the way you’d breathe in cigarette smoke at 3 in the morning, the way you’d cough and choke just to get a dose of nicotine. You filled my lungs like cigarette smoke. You were so seemingly innocent but god, did it burn to go down. I know that months from now when you are nothing but a memory I will still wake up some mornings feeling a twinge of pain in my chest as a reminder that I cant breathe without you, or rather feeling like I can’t breathe because of you, because no matter how many health warnings they put on cigarette packages you still inhaled that deadly poison 10 times a day, I inhaled you every day for 3 years and I know in months from now I will still feel the scars on my lungs. I watched my mother choke on another mans smoke for six years before she finally found a voice and this is me, this is my voice, even though it may be small and even though it may falter all I ever wanted was you to hear me. Your love was like a storm, pretty to look at but not so pretty to be in. Your love was like a lightning blot, I never knew where you were going to strike next. Your love was like a rainbow, except were at the end and I have yet to find the pot of gold. Dear boy with blue eyes, it’s not that I don’t love you, It’s that Ive decided to love myself.
Posted on: Sat, 09 Aug 2014 02:55:17 +0000
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