Today I offer a rather long post about a taboo subject - money - and its place in our lives. I have to be very clear, right from the beginning. I do not create in order to make money from my art. It is not why I create. I paint and write as a part of my healing and because I love it. I share, because I seek to inspire others to do what they love, and then in turn, heal. Money is not a first, or even a secondary consideration, but I will be honest, I make a living from what I do, and so therefore it -is- a factor, and it is an important one. Why? Because if I did not make a living from my work I would not be able to create. My time would be spent working for somebody else, and I would likely be too tired to create time to my own projects. Thats the reality of it ... Yesterday was an interesting day. Whilst I have been in a wonderful mood for the last wee bit, and find my head and body almost in harmony again after injuring my back, a couple of weeks ago, I have been presented with little challenges that could have made my smile slip somewhat if I allowed them to. I have seen good, have been both inspired and delighted, but also reminded of of the less attractive qualities of people. I have been on the internet for a decade now. I have been creating and sharing my works for all of that time. I have seen the best and worst of peoples generosity and greed. I have had my artwork stolen and then used by people who seek only to profit from my creative efforts without care for whether their actions are morally or legally right or wrong. Some days, it was only my continued belief that I create because I love, and because I believe that to paint and share what I create is my destiny, that has kept me going. It is what I believe I am meant to do, but there have been times when I have experienced moments that have made me feel so small and broken. There have been times when I have seen other creative types feel small and broken, and give up and walk away as a result. The one thing I love about the Internet is the fact that it has made people feel less alone and braver as a result, but that bravery extends also to doing and acting in a manner that would not be tolerated in the Outernet in some cases. Me personally, I have been taught by life to be both defiant and stubborn, and brave. I have had others try to break my spirit and fail. I, myself, have tried to break it too, only to have both Gaia and Great Spirit make it clear that they are not going to allow that to happen. I have had to learn how to let go of my fears, and have done so only because they have shown me time and time again, that if I focus on doing what I am meant to do, I will be looked after. My needs will be met and I will not go without. I am loved and I am protected. I now trust in this. I have faith. That being said, I have to admit that it took a long time for me to feel comfortable profiting from my spiritual and creative endeavours, which is why, initially, I went from painting art that was born of my faith and spiritual explorations to painting commercial art. I separated the two; I could not align the two because of the beliefs that I carried within. For a long time, I believed that if I asked for money for spiritual creations that I was being materialistic and not very spiritual. I would be like all of those who I have seen to want something and then take without respect or integrity without care of consequence. I would be grasping, competitive, and covetous. Money inspires base behaviour and it is base to discuss money for spiritual work, and there are many who float around with an almost extremist belief that to deal in money for spiritual work is dirty trade and that anyone that does so is not an enlightened spiritual being. I strived to be an enlightened spiritual being. I cannot count the number of times I have had people look down their noses at me because I dared to discuss money, put a price on my work, or rejoiced when I sold a painting, and so I fostered clientele who were only interested in having me paint something to their specifications and paid without question. I became an illustrator, as opposed to an artist who paints from the heart. I chose to focus solely on making money from my art and having my art support me, because the disdain I was met with by too many spiritual types was disheartening and had me turning my insides in knots. I moved away from spiritual circles. The saddest part is that I believed them to be right, and I loathed myself because I could not - no, would not - allow myself and my children to starve just because of a very unrealistic and unsustainable belief that spiritual people did not profit from the work they do in the name of Spirit. I allowed that belief to have me separating church and state, so to speak. I kept my spirituality to myself, and became an illustrator who was paid very well to create art for others. But still I struggled. Still, I felt a lack. Still, I suffered. I struggled because I believed that artists are meant to struggle, because everyone told me that artists dont make money and that I would not make money. I felt a lack, because my creating had become empty of spiritual meaning and purpose because I allowed my fear to have me separating who I am at my very core from what I love to do with my hands and mind so I could make a living. I suffered, because I was painting what others wanted me to paint to the detriment of the visions that were inside me and being offered to me by Spirit and Gaia. Despite the fact that I am intensely spiritual, I am also a very realistic and grounded person. But I have also been shown by Spirit on more than one occasion that money is, in this reality, necessary and that my fear of it and belief that it is dirty was more a reflection of my unhealthy and restrictive state of mind than anything else. It was a signpost to conditioning that taught me to limit, to judge, and to condemn and punish. It was a sign that I embraced a lack mentality. People are afraid of discussing money being exchanged for their services. So many are embarrassed to speak of it. What I find sad is how many of those who condemn and fear it are supposedly spiritual and enlightened. They are above money, but obviously not above judging and condemning those who ask for it in exchange for what they create? *pointed look* While I will continue to say that abundance flows when you embrace an abundant mindset that focuses on, first and foremost, doing what you love because you love what you do, there MUST be a fair and equal exchange of energies at play or you will find yourself unable to create from a complete place of love. In this day and age, where almost everything costs money, you cannot create from a place of complete love if you are worrying about the bills being paid and then, in turn, placing the burden of expectation upon your creative endeavours. Its a bit of a paradox ... a Catch 22 situation. Again, Spirit has gone out of its way to disprove me of the notion that we must offer our spiritual self freely and for no payment. This is a very human belief, and one born, if you want brutal honesty, a lack mentality that inspires a petty desire that one person not do better or be better than another ... that no person is allowed to be successful and happy and to have reward for their efforts and celebrate it because it might make someone else feel less about themselves because they did not succeed. It is a belief born of deprivation, competitiveness, and fear. It is Tall Poppy Syndrome in action. So many seek to cut down and lessen those who have grown because they turned their faces to the light and embraced life fearlessly. But know this ... a person who is poor in spirit, will never be wealthy. I lived with this mindset for years. I lived from week to week, only ever making enough just to scrape by, and it remained this way until I stopped listening to everyone else, and started listening to the Divine instead. First, I walked away from spiritually empty illustration work and took on a role that was more in alignment with what I wanted to create for myself. Around the same time, I really began to focus on my own inner healing too; I had met a wonderful person who told me that life is all about a fair and equal exchange of energies, and that I would only ever get back what I was willing to invest. That wee bit of advice made me stop and ponder. It also terrified me because if it were true and I was entrenched in a mindset that had me embracing a life that was both frugal and restrictive, then that is what I was going to receive from others. I would continue just to scrape by. I began to understand that I was creating my own reality through my beliefs, choices, and actions. I had to change my ways, and change my thinking, but my thinking was born of being hurt by others, of being punished, and of being judged, and condemned. It was a hurt so deeply entrenched that I had learned to perpetuate it in my every thought and action. It was a mindset that influenced everything right down to how l viewed and moved through the world around me. In order step from a lack mentality to one that was all about equal exchange - not abundance mind you, just a fair and equal exchange - I had to stop believing that I was a bad person for wanting a better quality of life. I used to say that I was happy as long as my bills are paid and I have a roof over my head, and while this is TRUE by saying this repeatedly and not allowing myself to open to the possibility of having more, I was not given more than that, and so every week my bills would be paid and my basic financial needs would be met, but there was never anything left over for any extras or luxuries. So I went without. I became the archetypal Miser with energy and mindset that was austere and frugal in nature. In many ways, I learned to appreciate and utilise what I had in every way - things that were broken were repaired instead of thrown away. Things that were old were mended and cherished instead of being replaced with something new until they could not be mended any further. Contrary to my thinking, I did well creatively too, because I have also come to understand that working from a place of fear and anger can be empowering also. It can give you the strength to move mountains, and accomplish miracles. But its so much hard work. Its tiring. Its suffering and heartbreak and disappointment because your expectations are never quite met, and you are always focussed on what you failed to accomplish and did not achieve instead of being appreciative of what you did accomplish. One day, I found myself at a crossroads. I was so tired, and confused, and worse I found myself wanting something - a crystal - in a way that I have never wanted something before. This crystal was very expensive, but it made my heart and soul vibrate in a way I had not felt for a long time. It woke something within. I wanted it, but I also believed that I did not need it, and that if I gave into my want, it would be a sign that the corruption had taken root. For those of you who know crystals and have been claimed by one or more, you know that we often draw to us those with the healing properties we need the most, and I recognised on an intuitive level that I was going to be asked to make a choice that would have me making that first step away from the lack mentality that held me prisoner. This was a large, beautiful, powerful crystal, but it was only equal to what needed fixing within me. This was almost three years ago. I was at one of the Mind Body Spirit Festivals that I do throughout the year, and it was a successful and financially rewarding event. What most fail to understand though, is that the money that I make at these events pays for the months when I have no income. So while the event was successful, my head was already scrimping and saving and working on how far I could make what I had earned stretch. I wanted the crystal so bad I ached inside, but it was a luxury that I could no justify the expense of, not when it meant sacrificing a good chunk of future financial security. Then, rather unexpectedly, I had someone approach me and express interest in buying one of my larger paintings, and suddenly a good festival had the potential of becoming my best ever. All of a sudden, I found myself allowing myself to dream of being able to afford the crystal I wanted - needed - so badly. But I refused to count my chickens before they hatched, and so I told myself that if the painting sold, I would allow myself to buy the crystal, but only then and if. I have to say here too, that as I write these words, I am a little sad over how brittle and hard I had become in the lead up to this experience. When I began to paint, I used to have a rule that a portion of everything I made on each painting would be for me, but then I broke that rule because my partners hours were cut back and everything I earned had to be put toward living. I became so afraid that every penny had to be saved just in case he lost his job, and even after the risk had passed, I still held on and went without. I was afraid, and that fear then married with my own belief that I was not deserving ... my lack of self-love. During the Festival, what I was beginning to recognise on an unconscious level was that my fear, anxiety, and mindset were making me ill. But I digress ... To my absolute shock and delight, the painting sold and I found myself standing at the crossroads, again making one excuse after the other as to why I could not buy this crystal for myself. It was an unnecessary and very extravagant indulgence. Then Spirit wove magic and another painting sold. It was almost as if the Divine were asking me how much I needed to be given in order to understand that all I had to do to have the crystal was to give myself permission. But that meant letting go, and that terrified me even more because it was a choice that would lead me into unknown territory. What would others think of me? At the heart of it, I was terrified of what others would think of me for being and acting in such an extravagant manner. I was afraid of being judged and condemned because I - a spiritual being - had given into desire. Despite my fears, I went around to the stand where the crystal was on display. I have to also mention that technically, the crystal was not even for sale. The owner of the stand had brought it with him because he felt it was necessary to do so, but had placed it on the shelf with a Not for sale sticker on it. When he saw my initial reaction to it, he told me that he would only part with it if I wanted it, and he did this despite the fact that that he had several offers made during the festival. So I went off to make that fearful leap, and nearly cried when I asked him how much he wanted in exchange. The price that he asked was for the very same amount I had just been paid for the second painting. In other words, to have what I was so incredibly drawn to and had fallen in love with, I would pay the same amount I had been given because someone had been drawn to and had fallen in love with something I had created, and they in turn, had been paid by many for the spiritual and healing services that they provided with love and dedication. Everything happens for a reason. In truth, the crystal cost me nothing but time and love, and because another had allowed themselves to give to both me, and to themselves. My painting would be on display in their place of healing, inspiring and delighting all, and the crystal would become the centrepiece in my own place of healing and creativity. I was also giving to another the ability to buy more crystals of amazing beauty and power. I would bring home with me an beautiful, powerful, healing smokey quartz crystal, bright with rainbows and colour, that, to this very day still sits within my direct line of sight in my creative space and serves to reminds me never to go back to that place of austerity again. Smokey quartz helps to dissipate negativity, fear, and anxiety, and this beauty does exactly that. The crystal, and the experience that led to it now being in my creative space, have played a part in my learning to love myself and to step free of fear and suffering. That moment of saying yes changed me forever. Three years later, I have come to realise that if I had not made that choice then, I may not be alive right now. My body was so weakened by my neglect and fear that it resulted in an illness that almost killed me. I can say with certainty that if I had not already placed my feet on a path toward love, healing, and abundance I would not have survived. It was only the changes that I had implemented in mind and spirit, that were born of that choice that helped me save the body that creates the beauty my mind sees. Now, I move through life knowing what is truly important, appreciating the joy and beauty I create, and giving to myself the very same that I give to others. I have come to understand that having abundance and living abundantly does not make me greedy and materialistic. Completely the opposite. Allowing myself to embrace abundance and be abundant has made me a better person ... a loving person ... a happier person. That is LOVE in action. I honour and focus on only those things that will better me and add to my life. I choose to focus on what brings me joy, knowing that when I do, I bring joy to others. I no longer experience feelings of guilt or punish myself because of foolish, lack-mentality inspired beliefs. I understand now that it is a sad waste of life to live in perpetual fear, and to embrace a lack mentality that has one embracing frugality, criticism, jugdement, and condemnation. I would much rather create with love and share my love and inspire others to love in turn. I would rather give and be given and then be able to give more in return. I love what I do, do what I love. Others love what I do and because of that, support what I love, which then allows me to support those I love and those who also create and share with love. Abundance begets abundance. Yesterday, a painting I purchased from the beautiful and talented Elspeth McLean arrived from overseas, and will soon sit upon my altar where - this painting of a bird in flight - will serve to remind me to soar and not allow fear to bring me low. Her creation, born of love, will serve as both affirmation and reminder to love and shine. Thats abundance in action. That is love making magic. It to inspiring dreams, create smiles, to share and spread joy and happiness. It giving -and- receiving. Its a fair and equal exchange of energy. Its mutual respect and love. Its both honouring, and being honoured. So what if money exchanges hands if the exchange provides both with something that they need? That money spent often creates the freedom and space for more creating, and creating that is fearless or burdened by expectation. Money is not evil. Money is not base. It is what we do with it that matters. It can change us, yes, but it will only amplify and reveal what dwells within us already. Stop fearing it, and stop judging those who offer spiritual services or creations for a fee. Stop seeing it as dirty a dirty exchange, and focus on changing the unhappy mind that has birthed the need to judge others. Money is a part of our reality, and in this present day and age, it is what keeps people safe, secure, and able to create without fear. Its time for people to face facts and accept that money is nothing more than one of the many things that is offered in exchange for services or creations of others, and its not the worst. It is not a basest method of exchange. The basest measure of exchange is one that is not fair and equal, that lessens and reduces.
Posted on: Sun, 01 Dec 2013 00:46:38 +0000
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