Today I stepped out in the sun at noon for a few minutes in my tiny concrete laden yard. When I came back I was almost colour blind. I could see patches in my field of vision. And I hadnt looked even in the direction of the sun, much less directly at the sun. I realised I have spent far too much time in darkness. In living indoors, in living alone even when living with family. Not because they were not available to me but because I was not available to them. For far too long I have ignored and neglected the ordinry in my search for the extra ordinary. My kids have have been raised by maids almost. And the house managed by them too I have blamed people for far too long. Took respite and refuge in depression for far too long. Its been quite some time that I have been trying to take back charge of my life and I mostly came across obstacles in trying to do so. Earlier those obstacles tested my strength too much and I often gave up and gave way and gave in and withdrew deeper into myself. But alhamdulillah somewhere along the way I got tired of this constant struggle and while I was still fighting, just decided to be more stronger than my circumstance and push my self further. The strength which was present earlier became stronger still and I realised that all the directionless fighting was not completely in vain At least my fighting muscles were in use, alhamdulillah. Now I just need to give a direction to my;fight inshallah bi idhnillah.
Posted on: Fri, 04 Jul 2014 09:46:43 +0000
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