Today I woke up just like every morning, and I enjoyed my first 10 seconds right after I opened my eyes. You know the the first 10 seconds where your like where am I and I what is going on? The after those 10 seconds pass you finally realize you are warm, your OK and snuggly warm in your bed. Yea I LOVE those first 10 seconds because by my 11th second the reality of husband, my mom & my dad all being gone sinks in and it still knocks the wind right out of lungs. Then I give myself a huge pep talk telling myself I wont let this affect me today, but by accident I hear a song that brings instant tears and all the hurt pain and memories flooding back. So I have to fight, (suck it up) it just makes my day a lot harder to get threw with a positive attitude. Its also hot harder to rock a smile on my face when inside I just want to rip my heart out. I thought this feeling, these feelings would have gotten easier to deal with, to handle. But everyday they are gone it just makes me miss them so much more. I love & miss you Monster (Jason) I love & miss you Mom I love & miss you Dad... I hope you are all dancing in the sky! And just for you 3 I am going to put all I have into making today one of the best days Ive had in a long time. One of my best friends reminded me yesterday (Sherri Lytle) I do deserve to be happy and Jay, mom & dad would want nothing less than the best for me. Do nothing but smile from here on out
Posted on: Sat, 03 Jan 2015 17:03:49 +0000
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