Today marks 22 months since Wills beautiful heart beat for the last time, and yes I am still counting. I will always count. All the days, weeks, months, and the almost two years that have passed, all still seem like a dream. A state of haze and fog. Life is not clear, nor is the path. Its hard on my family and friends having to be sad for us and Im sorry for that. There are no magic words, and unfortunately you cant take the pain away. Just letting us know youre here is all the support we need. On Thursday night we attended Katies band concert, called Joyful Noise, at Holy Trinity High School. Its a dinner, silent auction and beautiful music. The evening is a fundraiser for band trips. The middle school band were really great and the senior band was amazing. Thank you to Mr. de Sousa, the music teacher. It was a really nice evening. It was hard to get a good photo because of lighting so I attached one of the band from their trip to Europe last spring. We thought of Will so much that evening, wishing he was with us to see his big sister perform such wonderful music. Its so hard and so sad living without our boy. After the dinner, I received a message from the Mom of one of Wills soccer teammates. Reeses Mom Lisa. It was a poem she had written last year for Will. She thought she had already sent it to me, but honestly I have no recollection of it. Grief causes huge memory gaps. That first year is a blur and still continues to be. Its a beautiful poem Lisa. Thank you. The next morning I received an email from another of Wills friends Mom. Breaghs Mom Laurie. She had been going through old Christmas concert videos and Will was in them. She asked if I would like her to send it to me. I want anything and everything that Will was a part of. Painful to watch but good to see my boy. Then a message from another of Wills friends Mom. Camerons Mom Renee. Renee came across pictures of Wills class at the waterpark on the last day of grade 3 in 2012 and thought I would like to have them. And of course I do. xo Then I received a text message from one of Wills ski mates Mom. McCoys Mom Marnie. She wanted to tell me that McCoy loves his Wills Epic Race toque. Theyve misplaced it a few times and it caused panic. They always found it... whew she says. Marnie wondered if there were more because McCoy wears it all the time and its wearing out. So sweet. Then I was sent a picture on my Facebook page from a lady named Tara. Tara just got her first Will Star to hang in her house. I know Tara through family and when our daughters played soccer together. I was so touched to hear that people wanted stars in their homes to honour Wills memory. Thanks so much Tara. Other than the poem I received Thursday night from Lisa, all the other messages came within a one hour period on Saturday. We were feeling very sad that day, as usual. It was December 5th, exactly 22 months since the day Will collapsed at the ski hill and never regained consciousness. Such difficult memories. Likely these compassionate Moms didnt realized what that day marked, but I can say with certainty that you picked up our spirits. It was like being covered with a warm blanket just when we needed it most. On Sunday, I received a message from Wills ski coach Erin: Good evening Hilda, Just wanted to give you some news that a young boy in my group Im coaching named McCoy, he told me all weekend that he was skiing for Will. He said to me Erin, Will would have loved skiing today. Im going to make sure I ski my best because Will always skied his best. I was so blown away with the kids Im coaching and how they included Will. The few boys I am coaching skied with Will and they are always asking about Will because they know that I coached Will. Just wanted to let you know that we are all still doing this with Will in our minds. Thank you so much Erin and I love hearing that the boys, and the girls too Im sure, still keep Will in their thoughts. Its music to my ears. Okay so this is the last part of this string of love and compassion I received over the weekend. Louise, who is a very good friend of mine from school, and who lost her beautiful son Chad 4 years ago, has a niece named Tammy. Tammy teaches Respiratory Therapy at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Respiratory Therapy is a specialized profession that works in trauma and critical care, young and old. Tammy has been following Wills page for quite some time and has even relayed some of my writing to her students in the hopes of helping them cope with the sadness they face on a regular basis. What do they say to the devastated family members when their loved one dies? I offered Tammy a little of what I know from my experience and it holds true for anyone who doesnt know what to say to grieving parents at the moment their loved ones dies. There is nothing one can say to comfort a family who is making the most painful decision to let their loved one go, who are at the worst moment of their lives, who have just lost their loved one, Im so sorry. Thats really all there is to say at that moment. Afterwards maybe say... Please reach out to your family and your friends. They will want to help but they may not know what to do. Advise them to, Be honest with how they are feeling, tell family and friends what it is they may need from them in the coming days/weeks/months/years. Do not say things like, hes not suffering anymore, you did the right thing, hes with God, hes in a better place. Do not offer words like these because they are just words and at that moment they provide no comfort. Keeping these comments to yourself is best. They may not be religious, and even if they are, it is still not your place to offer religious sentiments at that moment. None of these things help with their pain right now. Their child/loved one is gone and that is all thats on their mind, and nothing makes sense. To think they may look at the bright side of their loved ones death at this moment would be hurtful and wrong. Tammy asked me a couple months ago if she could have a Will Star to hang in the classroom. Today they hung it yesterday. We face-timed and I got to see it being hung. Tammy said they will always remember Will and held signs that said so. WE WILL REMEMBER. The piece of paper with the word will on it is washed out with light. Thats my boy, a bright light. We all said hello to one another and I offered my deepest gratitude for what they are doing to remember Will. Tammy told me she wanted to say more but her emotions got the best of her, mine did too. We are so grateful that Will leaves us with such an amazing legacy to carry on, we are so grateful that he is remembered by his friends and even strangers. Whenever you are stuck for what to do to help a friend, just know that remembering their loved one means so much, tell them you remember. It is the best medicine we can receive. This morning after driving Katie to school, I went to my favourite sunrise spot down the street. Beautiful sunrises always remind me of Will because he noticed every one!! We love Will to the end of the universe and back. We will miss Will always. xoxoxo
Posted on: Tue, 09 Dec 2014 17:06:21 +0000
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