Today marks the first day of the new year and as we look forward with determination set in our eyes, it is only fitting to relay some beautiful words written to the us by the Manager of one of the Domestic Violence refuges that Assist A Sista works with.. Firstly I would like to say a very big thank you to the two amazing women, Nicolle and Manuela who had the foresight to recognise a gap in our current system and develop Assist a Sista. A big thank you to all the Sistas and Mistas who have joined Assist a Sista to work towards preventing violence against women and children by assisting women to be resourced and more able to not return. A special thank you to the team leaders and their volunteers who set up the Haven’s. As one of our mother’s expressed, ‘it is obvious they work with their heart. It is evident by the special touches seen everywhere to make our houses already a home for us’. The difference this makes to our families cannot be articulated in words. Often our families have received more help from caring strangers than from their own families. To help me try to describe this for the families I thought I would share a couple of stories with you. We had a mum enter refuge with her four children. She left home at 14 years of age to escape a violent home and started her independent life living on the streets. She eventually met a man (alot older than she was) and then moved in with him to at least be off the streets. This led to a life of moving from one domestic violent relationship to another. Along the way she had her four children who continued to live this way with her. At no time during this period in her life did she ever get to have her own home. She was always living under someone elses roof to survive. Why did she keep entering violent relationships? The answer is simple. It was all she knew. Her template for relationships was developed from observing and experiencing her mother and fathers relationship, which was violent. This was her normal. She eventually entered BoysTowns domestic and family violence refuge with only one suitcase each for herself and her children. Everything she owned was in these suitcases. Her self- esteem was incredibly low. She felt completely disempowered and struggled to manage her childrens behaviours. The children were also traumatized and had developed trauma behaviours ranging from dissociation, anxiety, sleeping problems, toileting issues, attention problems, emotional reactivity and aggressive behaviours. Her parenting skills were limited as she did not have any healthy role models in her life. After experiencing safety, practical and emotional support from refuge staff, including safety planning, participating in healthy relationship workshops, experiencing counselling for herself and her children, she was then assisted to find safe, affordable, stable accommodation. She left refuge and moved into her first home. Assist a Sista worked their magic. She was overwhelmed when she saw her new home. She couldn’t talk for a few minutes while she collected herself. She had tears streaming down her face while she walked around her home looking at all the special little extras that were thought of and included in her home, right down to food in the cupboards, towels hanging in the bathroom, toys in the children’s rooms and love rugs for each of them. The children on the other hand could have been heard from the refuge many miles away. They were so excited. They had never had their own bedroom before with toys that belonged just to them. One of the children had taken a special liking to a dolls house she used in the therapy room. She always wished for a dolls house for herself. When she entered her room, someone had donated a dolls house almost identical to the one she played with in the therapy room. She used to play out her dreams in this dolls house. She was incredibly overwhelmed and cried when she saw it. Prior to Assist A Sista, we could never have fitted this house out the way it was. It can be really difficult for refuge staff to source items and have them transported to the property. Many times our families have been in their houses with little more than the essentials. Unfortunately even at times with only mattresses on the floor until the services have delivered other sourced items. Imagine how different it would have been for this family walking into the house with very little in it to what they did walk into. I would like to share some words from a young mother under 25 who recently exited refuge and was assisted by Assist A Sista. “I came into the refuge and found it hard at the beginning. The rules were strict to ensure safety and confidentiality for everyone. Before I knew it, it was time to leave and begin my new life in my new home. I was really worried about how I would get furniture for my new house as I didn’t have anything to put into it. I felt so blessed when I heard Assist a Sista could help me furnish my new home. When I entered my house I knew straight away it was already a home. I could see the heart that was put into it and I could see it was done with love and care for me. I love my home and am excited every time I think about being at home. When I look back from when I first arrived at the refuge with my self- esteem, morals, values and family supports in disarray, I now have inner peace and a strong sense of myself. I have received great guidance from all the staff, particularly around role modelling respectful non-judgemental communication. I am grateful for this as I had never received this level of support growing up. If I had a message for any woman in a similar situation, it would be although it’s hard, if you’re open to change and have the courage to look within yourself, you will find your own strength within. You have to be willing to change. Growing has opened me to more growth and I’m determined to keep growing”. Our families are courageous and are constantly inspiring us to continue doing the work we do. On behalf of all the refuges, a very big thank you to each and everyone of the Sista’s and Mista’s who are working hand in hand with us to address the impacts of violence against women and children. All our efforts do in the long run help prevent it happening all over again for some families. Manager – BoysTown’s Domestic and Family Violence Refuge Three cheers to Breaking the Cycle one Family at a time! Hip Hip Hooray Hip Hip Hooray Hip Hip Hooray Nicolle & Manuela Repair Rebuild Restore in 2015
Posted on: Thu, 01 Jan 2015 02:24:37 +0000
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