Today my son celebrates his 11th birthday. He was my smallest baby. He weighed 5Lbs the day I brought him home & I was so scared of breaking him. I look threw my photo albums on here all night & I realize how different life is now & although I am happy it doesnt change the fact that I hurt & am heartbroken over the loss of my kids. I am a great mother & my photos show that. Doesnt feel natural to not be a full time mommy even after 3yrs of not. I cant sleep right now cause I am heartbroken knowing that when my son gets up for school in a few hours I cant cover him in kisses and tell him how special he is and have birthday goodies for him & his class like I use to. So I sit up in silent tears. I am soooo jelous of all my mommy friends who get to hold & kiss your kids everyday. I envy you guys. I am missing out on them being kids cause I swear everytime I see them they get a little bigger, smarter, & older. I wasnt supposed to have kids & they were all early & I was a high risk with all 3. But even though I wouldve died to give them life I dont get to enjoy watching them live it like I would like to. I am not a bad mom but one who deserves better then this♥ atleast I know that he knows I love him♥
Posted on: Fri, 14 Mar 2014 10:04:26 +0000
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