Today on the way back from the mountains, I was the designated driver in a car full of my drunken family members. (Try growing up in a huge Latin America family and you will understand the drunken debauchery that is family wedding weekends haha). My father, wasted out of his mind, asks me to pull over on the highway to use a port a potty by a beat up gas station in the middle of nowhere. The only thing there was the gas station and a bar, with silhouettes of naked women painted onto the front of it, salsa music blasting from the inside, out onto the street. The smell of stale beer impregnating the area. When my father comes back, he is unknowingly covered in human feces. It is all over his shoes and smeared all over his hands. As I start shouting to him that he needs to throw his shoes away and the entire car is freaking out over the smell, my father runs into the seedy bar and proceeds to try to wash off the sh$t in the dirty bathroom. However, he soon realizes that the water he has covered himself with, is brown and also smells like a sewer. After keeping is waiting for 45 minutes, he comes back smelling worse than ever and now his entire arms are covered in feces and water. At which point I had to get out of the car and get my really expensive scented, organic face wipes and order him to wipe his entire body with them. He finished them... And still smelled. At which point I had to drive for 2 more hours to the city. With the car smelling like a sewer. Now hows that for a Sunday? Im still laughing.
Posted on: Sun, 30 Mar 2014 23:01:07 +0000
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