Todays spiritual battle is taken from journal entry dated 10/18/2013: John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. This scripture reminds me that I have to continually depend on God, every day, for most things (I can get dressed without Gods input but thats about the limit of what I can do without Him without screwing up lol). So, when my husband and I were doing bible study, I asked him what does continual dependence mean to you? We talked about how hubby needs to correct me in a way that wont make my head spin faster-he needs to depend on God to provide him with the words that will soothe me instead of enrage me even further (I loved that, because it was like hubby was taking responsibility for me acting out, but then God got ahold of me...) and made me realize that I have to depend on Him to not be verbally abusive to my husband when I get mad. I know God will close my mouth and not allow me to say mean, ugly, hateful things but only if I ASK Him to...which I usually dont because Im mad and I want to say those things-I tell myself because Im angry, I should be able to say whatever I want to and my husband can just deal with it! since hes the one who made me mad in the first place! Except that doest honor God, that doesnt honor my husband, and it doesnt honor my marriage or the vows I made. Sometimes, after Ive been abusive to my husband, I think I would physically harm anyone who dared say the things I say to my husband, I would literally slap the tar right out of them-then ask God for forgivness. If I would be willing to go to jail in order to show someone how I will not tolerate them disrespecting my husband, why do I think its ok for me to do that????? I love James with all my heart, I would die for this man, yet you could not tell by how I treat him, that I feel this way about him. I am ashamed to say that most days my actions fail to demonstrate the depths of my feelings for my husband. I justify my actions by telling myself well, he shouldnt have done this... or he shouldnt have said that... when the bottom line is this; God blessed me with an amazing man who has loved me thru thick or thin (and when I was thick and now thinner) and who cherishes me daily-he does a much better job at making sure I know he loves me every day then I do-thats for sure. So, I need to commit to really working on making sure my husband knows every single day how much I love him and Im going to need God for that, Im going to need to depend on God to remind me of how much I love, value and treasure my husband especially when he leaves his dirty socks on the floor and forgets to take his medications. Ok God, its You and me again, help me to reach this goal...help me to ensure my husband is treated the way You want me to treat him. Comence operation: Love thy husband!!!
Posted on: Wed, 23 Oct 2013 14:48:57 +0000
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