Took 200 mcg of LSD at 10:30 11:20: First signs of effect. Nausea beginning. 11:45: Very marked nausea. Had to lie down to suppress feeling. Great depression and feeling of regret at having taken drug. 12:00: First sign of brightening emotions. Regret passed. 12:10: Can dream vividly with eyes shut. No hallucinations, as yet. Colors in room clear, serene and pure. Harmonious feeling. Nausea subsiding. Erotic dreams. 12:45: Begin to experience slight withdrawal. Colors bright, fresh, vivid. Hunger sensations. Nausea almost completely gone. 12:50: Ate lunch. Hyperreflexia, muscular tension, drunken feeling, almost catatonic state of withdrawal when I retire. 1:00: Very drunk feeling, but sense of reality very little altered. No visual hallucinations, except for reflected extension of colors across lower field of vision. Feeling of warmth and flush, perspiration. 1:15: Gorgeous colors in vision; sparks of light in periphery of sight. Euphoria beginning. Positive phase of experience definitely setting in. 1:20: Sheer bliss and ecstasy; very intense euphoria. Brilliant color in view with eyes closed. 1:30: All splendid fire and heat; divine force pulsating in vision beyond all description. Gold, red, orange flames blending into harmonious patterns of incandescent beauty. 1:50: Absolutely indescribable visions; all in most utter, violent motion, throbbing, pulsing with electric energy. Things changing from one scene to another without cease. All in bright, iridescent colors. Fluttering lights, firework displays; body tense, “galvanized” with electricity. Hallucinations splendid. Feel can will anything into reality. Hand while writing looks detached; imagine I can merely write a word down and the idea will be real. 2:15: Vivid dreams; imagined could turn head inside out, see backward, etc. Very tense. Feel creative energy, revitalization. Colors outside very vivid and beautiful. 3:15: Period of indescribable recall: actually relived childhood in every detail. In successive scenes, seemed to be growing younger, until age of approximately seven or eight. Could smell the little nook north of house with its bushes and greenery, the bark up in box-elder tree, taste the apples on roof of Mr. Moore’s shed, smell clothing stored in upper hall closet, see shady lane down avenue, trees in yards where I played as a child (complete with every knot-hole and configuration of the bark); remembered imagined games played with old cat; remembered suddenly dusty ledge outside bathroom window, and feeling of climbing up to it while creeping around house to my own window, dusty screens outside of room, etc., all absolute and real—never any memory remotely like this before! Felt bliss of never-ending summer afternoons, warm, damp greenery under trees, looking up at clouds and bowers of leaves; lying on warm cement under eaves on summer afternoon and scent of rain; no anxiety, ever-present childhood eternity of sheer poetry in timeless, lazy afternoons of July . . . Oh! The dear earth and scent of earth that bore me! Was back in crib in mother’s bedroom, watching blue-emerald light of summer afternoon outside in ancient landscape . . . bathed with bliss of mother’s smile . . . time hath no meaning for us—eternity is ever and now, and happiness is easy, not shrived for. Oh—the innocence of a little boy, without cares, worries! To know again after so long what it feels like! Thank God for a bounteous blessing like mescaline to recall to mind what is more important than gold and hurry! Something I thought forever lost to me. The odor of rain on dust, of sap in heavy, lazy, dreamy boughs, the scent of earth through blades of grass, seen by child with face pressed to the ground—caressed by endless, rolling-green, English-father’s-house lawns! Sun warmth and fertility, oneness and peaceful, desireless harmony. God! I can recapture anything, just for the asking! What a miracle! Oh, joy and bliss sublime! Everything crowds upon me like an immense embrace, loving, selfless, innocent! 3:50: Muscular tiredness, tenseness; deep feeling of mescaline intoxication. No objective hallucinations this trip—walls very steady, etc. No feeling of loss of reality. Split personality sensation marked—very clear mind, but able to dream and experience visions at will. Little heightening of colors, as with LSD, much less visual hallucination, although inner vision even more fantastically alive. Mystical sense not as noticeable; more an objective phantasmagoria. Continuation of warm, inner elation and electrified senses more noticeable than in LSD syndrome. Would conclude that mescaline is more of a nervous stimulation, and LSD, more of an actual psychic change. Withdrawal of mescaline more catatonic than LSD; tension much greater. The chemical relationship of mescaline and the amphetamines obvious. 4:15: Brightness of hallucinations (inner vision) subsiding. High point of visual acuity passing, but not gone. Colors in vision are much paler, lacking in reds, greens, etc. Now mostly blues, greys, transparencies. 4:40: Still able to dream fantastically, but in subdued colors. 5:00 to 5:30: Listening to music; one understands Mozart for the first time—as each phrase unfolds, waves of contentment—so pure, so serene—pour their lambent light upon the languishing soul, drunken with sheer bliss! Every silvery sigh, every shudder of peace and fulfillment rises clear and transparent before the senses, like bubbling water in mother-of-pearl chambers! The pure, oily, gut-richness of string tones sound with poetic sensuousness that they never before possessed. Every pulse of an instrument is a perfect sigh, every nuance an expression of perfect emotion. How intricate and lovely the interweaving of naked sound—the pure presence of eternal harmony and experienced sensation! The incomparable splendor of Mozart revealed as never before! 5:50: Effects beginning to subside. Cup of tea produced cozy, warm feeling. Muscular tension, slight cramps all over body; drugged feeling. No unpleasant sensations as yet. 6:00: Feel elated; rich joy of surroundings, family, of many possessions. Harmonious emotion of outpouring good will and happiness. Feel have been through an uplifting experience
Posted on: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 08:46:53 +0000