Torah to Go - Parashat Kedoshim Do not hate your brother in your heart. Surely reprove your compatriot, but do not bear a sin on their account. (Vayikra 19:17) As inherently moral beings, we have an innate sense of right and wrong, a kind of moral intuition, a conscience. As inherently social beings, we often interact with people who have different degrees of sensitivity to this moral intuition or different interpretations of what is right and what is wrong. Often people are either unaware of their errors, at a loss to think of a better way, or lack confidence in their ability to do better. In all these cases, our conscience, our social contract, and our Torah oblige us to teach the better way, to provide guidance and resources to correct the error. Rather than hate our brother or sister in our hearts, we should open our hearts to help them realize what is right. But how should we do this? How shouldnt we do this? Lest we read the verse above as a license to go around correcting people who dont measure up to our own standards, the Torah quickly follows surely reprove your compatriot with but do not bear a sin on their account. Rashi asks: What is this sin we might bear on their account? That of public humiliation. Though we are required to correct peoples errors, we are forbidden to do so in a way that would embarrass them in public. Chazal - the Rabbis of our tradition - observed in their time, as we can see today, that when someone is embarrassed, the embarrassment alters their circulation: Their face either turns bright red (they blush), or in more severe cases, turns white (they blanch). From this personal observation, coupled perhaps with bitter personal experience, Chazal deduced that the act of embarrassing someone in public is as grave as the act of spilling blood. (Bava Metzia 58b) But even if you think correcting someone wont embarrass them, can we learn from Torah the right way to provide this correction? Chazal tell us that when giving reproof, it is necessary to do so in a way that you are certain the other person will hear you - hear in every sense of the word. Dont ask: Am I speaking loudly enough? Ask instead: Am I the right person to be talking to them, or will they hear better if the correction comes from someone else? Or will they hear better from me if they know I am speaking out of genuine concern, love, and respect for them? Our Rabbis conclude that if the person we wish to correct cant hear the correction from us, we are better off not saying anything: Just as one is obligated to speak reproof that will be accepted, one is obligated not to speak reproof that will not be accepted. (Yevamot 65b) Parashat Kedoshim teaches us many paths to realize our inherent holiness, and walking those paths requires balance: We owe a duty to others to help correct their error, balanced with our duty to safeguard their dignity. Be courageous in teaching people a better way, for their sake as much as yours; be certain to do it without shaming them in public. Holiness comes not from humiliation, but from humility. Join the conversation: Before you correct someone, what questions should you ask? Shabbat Shalom, John Carrier STS Rabbinic Intern
Posted on: Fri, 25 Apr 2014 19:17:04 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015