Tough Love vs. Tender Love We know that we cannot push people to Jesus; we must instead lead. When the occasion arises that brings people to the conclusion that tough love is the solution, it irks my spirit and this is why: The definition of love is the whole word of God, but most specifically is this passage. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. (I Corinthians 13:4-10 NKJV) This love looks tender, generous, non-judgmental, gracious and merciful. It does not look tough. I have experienced tough love from my savior, who knows how much I can endure, what is truly in my heart, and all the circumstances of my life. He and only He knows the complete truth in which I live. He and only He knows what it will take to right my ship. I have never felt qualified to exercise tough love with a brother or sister in The Lord, because “we know in part”. We as humans, and even still as children of The Father only know in part, without knowing what is in each other’s heart as the Father does. To determine the time and conditions of tough love, we would have to have that complete knowledge. Also I am unqualified because I don’t know the future, nor can we even be sure what the effect of our cause might really be. God only knows that. I also find the concept of tough love to be contrary to the concept of the Golden Rule: Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12 NKJV) And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. (Luke 6:31 NKJV) Knowing that the concept of tough love finds its foundations in the teachings of psychology also makes it repugnant to me. Psychology works, because it is science, but it works awkwardly, non-divinely and not well. Tough love only dilutes compassion. We must lead and not push.
Posted on: Sun, 10 Nov 2013 23:06:15 +0000
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