Tues morning...I stayed in bed later than usual (8 a.m.) because I woke early with a dream hangover. Id been having various negative dreams that left me feeling weird. Luckily I had time to go back to bed for a few hours to do some Reiki and grounding. When I finally got up to start my day, I had immediate clarity about why Id been feeling out of whack. It was because yesterday was a day when I experienced being verbally attacked by someone for an illogical reason, I nicely yet clearly stood up for myself, and lost the friend as a result. This morning, I saw a very clear memory of my childhood, about how boundaries were absolutely NOT allowed. If I stood up for myself, even a little, I was at least told I was a spoiled rotten brat (a common phrase used), or was slapped across the face, kicked down a flight of stairs, or beaten. I was literally taught that I was a very bad girl if I spoke up for myself. And since I was a smart kid who wanted to avoid getting beaten, I rarely did speak up for myself. When I went off to college, I struggled a lot and began going to therapy to learn how to express my emotions (including healthy anger), how to have healthy boundaries and how to speak up for myself. It has been a lifetime of conscious awareness and practice, and I sometimes still feel fear when I stand up for myself. I feel like Ive come a LONG way, though, and that Ive gotten pretty good at getting clear about my needs and boundaries and clearly communicating those to others. I am passionate about personal transformation and am happy with how far Ive come and how far Im still going.
Posted on: Tue, 30 Dec 2014 14:24:49 +0000