Two weeks ago today, about this time...I came home to an empty house. My love had passed a couple of hours previous and The Ted was still in the hospital rehab. The cats were strange as if they could smell the stench of death. They all avoided me. I fed and watered them and contemplated how I was to tell Ted that his son had died the night before. I wanted to give him one last decent night. Ive learned a lot in the past two weeks. Consider this a public service message. What not to say to a widow: Hes in a better place, now No, he isnt. A better place is right here with me, where he belongs. Hes with Jesus, now. You dont know that. You havent been dead and you couldnt possibly know that. I am praying for you. Please dont. I saw what prayers did for my (spouse) and trust me, I dont want them. Please dont let this turn you bitter and angry Of course I am angry. I lost half of my soul that can never be recovered. Wouldnt you be angry too? Time heals all wounds No, it doesnt. When you are operating with half a soul, time lives in a vacuum. It is not your friend. It just drags on. Maybe you could use a little help I dont need help. I need my husband back. I am sorry we could not be there I am sure you are and I know you are sincere. This changes nothing but makes you feel better. Commiserate away. Well get together real soon. No we wont. I am a tainted object. I wear the stench of death. Thats like inviting Medusa over to your house. There are five stages of grief Says....who? Experts? Everyone grieves in their own way and time. Theres no set script for grief. I know how you feel This is a biggie. Until you have lost your spouse, dont spew this silly notion. You dont know how I feel. I belong to an exclusive club where I hold the only membership card. I went through a divorce and grieved, too Its not the same. Divorce is not death. At least you know your spouse is out there, alive. You can talk to them on the phone if youre not a fecking nut...or even see them if youre a stalker. You need to get out, some No, I dont. I get out as much as I have to. My house is a bloody mess, I am a bloody mess and I dont care about anything, much less about going out somewhere. If I can do anything at all for you, call me I am not going to call you. I thank you for thinking of me but...no. Things you should say to a widow: I am so sorry for your loss I believe you and I hope that you will never know the same loss. Many thanks for your sympathy. I am so sorry, I cant imagine what youre going through No, you cant. I hope you never will. But thanks so much for the kind words. Are you okay? Do I look okay? Thanks so much for asking about me. I appreciate it. Some folks dont know what to say and avoid you like the plague. Any of the above three are suitable and palatable.
Posted on: Sun, 03 Aug 2014 02:13:05 +0000
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