Typically, societys view of parental loss is not the same for the father as the mother. Most of the literature on parental bereavement still tends to focus on the mothers grief. Often, men are not acknowledged as experiencing grief; or more importantly, men are not taught that its necessary to grieve and are discouraged from demonstrating signs of grief openly. Fathers are expected to be strong for their partners, to be the rock in the family. All too often fathers are considered to be the ones who should attend to the practical but not the emotional aspects surrounding the death; they are expected to be the ones who should not let emotions show or tears fall outwardly, the ones who will not and should not fall apart. Men are often asked how their wives are doing, but not asked how they are doing. Such expectations place a burden on men and deprive them of their need to grieve. This need will surface eventually if it is not expressed. It is not unusual for grieving fathers to feel overwhelmed, ignored, isolated, and abandoned. Bereaved fathers often say that such strong emotions are very difficult to contain after their childs death. Fathers often fear that they will erupt like volcanoes if they allow themselves to release these feelings and so, too often, fathers try to bury their pain with the child who died. It is important that a fathers grief be verbalized and understood by his partner, other family members, professionals, coworkers, friends, and by anyone who will listen. Fathers need to try to free themselves of stereotypes and societal expectations about men and grief; they must be able to tell others that their grief is all they have from their childs brief life. Bereaved fathers repeatedly say that for their own peace of mind, they (and those who care about them) need to move away from this mind set and allow them to grieve as they are entitled.
Posted on: Wed, 29 Jan 2014 15:59:56 +0000
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