Used Car Salesmen and Politicians I made a bad mistake. I bought another used car after swearing ‘never again’. I became aware of my mistake after tripping over the right front fender that had apparently fallen off as I pulled into the driveway. Massaging my bruised knee it dawn on me…the similarity between used car salesmen and politicians. It is my firm belief used car salesman and politicians are twins, separated at birth though not by much. The similarities between the two are staggering. Not all used car salesmen are ‘bad’ guys neither are all politicians. There are a few good ones, problem being, the good ones are indeed few and far between. I have purchased used cars that performed as advertised. Likewise, I could probably name a few politicians that did as well, if you gave me a while to think about it. For the most part, my advice when dealing with either would be keep one hand on your wallet and count the fingers on the other after shaking hands. Lest you think I’ve gone off the rails let’s consider the basics of each profession. Where both are concerned, image is everything. The used car dealer doesn’t name his lot ‘Honest John’s Used Cars’ or “Smiling Jack’s Used Autos’ just because they like the sound of the name. Image is important. Who wouldn’t be sucked in by the ‘Honest’ or ‘Smiling’ in the business name? After all, truth in advertising wouldn’t let them use those names if they weren’t true would they? No politician can survive a major hit to his image. Many times the image is all he has going for him. We’ve had, and still have, a myriad of successful political figures that looked like movie stars, photographed well and could read a prepared speech yet couldn’t tell time without a digital watch. With used cars and politicians what you see is what you see, not always what you get. There’s a small church near my house whose sign reads “3 used car salesmen worship here.” Evidently even the good Lord is aware of what’s going on down here. The very latest ‘Revised, Revised, Revised New Testament’ lists being a used car salesman as one of the now eight deadly sins, right after gluttony and before vanity. I kid you not. Image is not everything, it’s just the start of everything and the everything is usually not what one bargained for. Politicians and used car salesmen are proficient in the use of the qualifier ‘as is’. Granted, used car salesmen are blatantly honest about their use of the ‘as is’ loophole by brazenly plastering it all over whatever lemon might currently reside on their lot. Few used car purchasers are aware that the phrase ‘as is’ is actually a truncated form of the complete phrase ‘as is likely to malfunction within days of purchase’. Politicians have, through years of practice, learned to bury the ‘as is’ clause in legislation so as to fool their customers, the voters. For example; let’s say a politician sponsors a bill called the ‘Mortgage Relief Act’. The first paragraph of the bill will tout the amazing benefits of passage. Should you become unemployed or unable to pay your mortgage for whatever reason, your mortgage will be covered until you find new employment or can resume payments. Who wouldn’t support such legislation? Now, let’s flip through the bill and somewhere near the end of the 1,500 to 2,000 page document we’ll find the ‘as is’ clause. In order to make the bill ‘work’ the government will be raising your employee withholding by $100 a paycheck, thus guaranteeing you will not be able to meet your mortgage and therefore, the bill becomes necessary and functional up to the point nobody’s employed any longer. Those ‘as is’ clauses are a killer. Used car salesmen and politicians provide products that, for the most part, aren’t required to do anything. They simply have to sound good. Even then, they only have to sound good until you get them home. Then it’s too late (reference the above paragraph regarding ‘as is’). Both vocations are schooled in the art of language. Don’t pay any attention to what you see or read. Listen to what I’m saying. The art is in the packaging. Think of those romance novels WalMart’s bookshelves are lined with. The covers depict a scantily clad, voluptuous female in the arms of a swashbuckling pirate. You will undoubtedly find yourself on page 123 wondering where the half-naked woman and the pirate come in. Such is congressional legislation and the purchase of a used car. When do we get to the good stuff? It’s the same with old cars and old or young politicians. The radio works great (sound). The rest leaves a lot to be desired. For some unknown reason we, the public, the voter if you will, have come to accept both as a necessary evil. Our acceptance has bled over into many other facets of life. We have become tolerant of the intolerable. Case in point; at my work place we recently installed a new file server operating system. A Microsoft product, Windows Server 2008 R2. After the installation was complete we were required to download 112 patches from the Microsoft web site in order to make the product work correctly. Equate this with purchasing a used car only to have the engine, doors, wheels and steering column delivered at a later date. Only in a general public buffeted by used car salesmen and politicians would such customer service be considered acceptable. Bill Gates would have made an incredible used car salesman don’t you think? Suspicion isn’t always a bad thing as our elders recognized long before we were born. I’m reminded of a specific phrase my father-in-law was fond of using. ‘Never buy a pig in a poke.’ Sadly, in the modern age, when dealing with either the used car salesman and almost universally when dealing with a politician, we wind up with more poke than pig.
Posted on: Fri, 06 Sep 2013 12:36:07 +0000
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