(Warning: This is not as funny as most of my writings. Not for the sensitive and/or judgmental. I have laughed out loud at funny moments of my life, I have had proud moments upon realizing what i have achieved. I have cried as well when recalling sad moments. This is the sad part. I have also written with a heavy heart. Someone has to tell the story of a Prophet, Sangoma or anyone with a calling. I am telling that story. Most important: No feeling pity for me.) The Prophecy I started having visions at the age of eight. At first I could not understand what was happening with me because events would happen in my life as if I have relived them before. It was so odd and so hard to comprehend at that age. I still remember the first vision and it’s so vivid. I think my parents had noticed that I had a gift of some sort and knew that in time all will be revealed. I had said a few things even before Papa passed away after I had just turned six that had happened. They would normally react with shock but not really entertain it. Throughout my life I have had a belief that this calling was from my mother’s side of the family only to learn last year that my father’s side of the family also had a similar history. I only got recently close to my father’s side of the family. The scary one is when I was talking to one of my aunts (Rakgadi) and told her about my calling and some of the pains I experience in my life, only to learn that we had similar symptoms. She has since heeded her calling to become a prophet. I have finally accepted who I am and embraced it. One of my worst symptoms is waking up every morning without any feeling on my hands. I literally go numb and have to sit there for almost ten minutes praying that I can regain the use of my hands. Anyway this story is not about the symptoms but the prophecy I got when I was fifteen in standard eight. January 1990 (No exact date) : I woke up one morning so distressed that I could not live with myself. I had a vision that my favorite uncle Roy was going to pass away sometime in August. This voice and vision were so vivid, so real that my teenage mind could not deal with. I was in emotional and spiritual turmoil. Should I tell Mama or not? If I do she is going to take me to MmaSelebogo and this woman will reveal my deep secret that I have visions. That I am just like my mother and I need to be initiated either as a Prophet or a Sangoma. I was not going to tell anyone. I was going to negotiate with my ancestors to spare my uncle’s life. They could not take my favorite uncle. Was this a warning that I should stop this eventuality? How do i stop it? Am I going crazy? Why am i having such a bad vision? But no… I cannot tell mom. I cannot tell anyone. The confusion become real as my determination to keep the secret got worse. The dream would not go away. The Voice would not cease revealing visions or secrets to me. Lord how am I going to deal with this? The burden became too much for me. “Junior ke batla go go bolelela something” (Junior, I need to tell you something)”. I asked my brother. “Ke kopa o ntshepise gore o ka se bolelele Mama. Malome Roy o tlo go tlhokafala this year. Around August or October” (Promise me you won’t tell mom. Uncle Roy is going to pass this year around August or October). I said desperately and depressed. We were in the kitchen washing dishes. He looked at me with shock in his eyes. He did not ask me more. I am convinced it’s because he could see the pain in my eyes. He knew what revealing this vision meant if we told Mama, I was going straight to MmaSelebogo for initiation or some ritual. We were so conflicted between being Christianity and tradition. I also burdened my twelve year old brother. He was the only person I could trust with this information. Tumi was Mama’s confidant and I could not trust she would not reveal that I was having visions. That was the most horrible year for me spiritually. I started praying but vision did not stop. I could not understand why my ancestors would burden me with this when I was so young. I knew what it was and what it meant. Mama had the calling and my prophecy resonated with her experience. The confusion and pain got worse with time. Somehow during the year the guilt and the shame subsided. I was able to live like a normal teenager whose concern was looking pretty, passing at school, music, dancing, acting, singing and boys. That lasted for only three or four months. Then the vision started again. I got back into the depression. One fateful mid-August day, in the early hours a phone rang in Mama’s bedroom. I woke up, sweating. Mama walked into our bedroom. “Roy o nyeletse” (Roy has dissapearead). She sounded defeated. “E re ba ye go mmatla ko mutuary. O tlhokafetse” (Tell them to go and look for his body in a mortuaryI . He has passed on.) I said with conviction. I knew what had happened. Not in detail but because I had the vision/prophecy. Mama did not question me. She called back the family in Munsieville and told them what to do. They did. We woke up, took a bath and prepared to go to school. I did not concentrate in school that day. Around eleven I fell asleep on my desk. I felt so much fatigue. As if something was being pulled out of my body. The emotional burden was being lifted out of my body. When we got home that day, Mama was in her bedroom crying her balls out. All her friends were gathered around and we found out that indeed Malome Roy had been stabbed on his way from work and he had passed on. I could not cry. I could not feel any emotion. I was in the deepest emotional turmoil that felt like a bottomless pit. I could not scream. I was shocked. My sister blacked out. She was attended to. My brother, just walked away like most men do. He did not show any emotion. I still don’t understand why men walk away when in pain. He was given his space to deal with this information like a man. The prophecy had happened. The voice was clear and everything that had been revealed to me happened exactly in 18 August. I had had visions/prophecies before but this was the beginning of the most terrible part of having a calling. To be continued...
Posted on: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 03:43:47 +0000
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