Watching Contagion for Microbio, What an ALLSTAR cast! Which got me thinking; what if all these actors played the roles they were best known for in this movie? Stay with me here. It opens up with Pepper Potts married to Jason Bourne they have a wonderful little family and a perfect life, but Potts is a total skank and is killed off by some mysterious virus in the movie’s first ten minutes.. total win already. Meanwhile, Morpheus is an administrator at the CDC and he’s all like, I’ve been doing this for years, I am so over this shit. So he tasks Rose Dewitt Bukater, that’s right from Titanic, to travel everywhere and figure out what the deal is with this spreading virus and she’s going all drill instruction on everyone “STOP TOUCHING YOUR FAAAAACE!!.” But who’s researching a cure you ask? Well thank god Demetri Martin could take a break from his terrible sketch comedy show to help save the world….really Demetri Martin..really.. talk about suspension of disbelief. Then Ra’s Al Ghul’s daughter, Talia, from the Dark Knight Rises is kidnapped in Hong Kong in hope that she can be ransomed to America for a cure. All this while Jude Law/Watson is trying to uncover the true story so he can blog about it. What people don’t realize is the real reason the social structure breaks down and riots occur is because on day 26 of the virus they start handing out Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE’s to everyone. Oh and did I mention that Walter White is the Rear Admiral in charge of keepin shit together? Talk about an epic movie.
Posted on: Wed, 18 Jun 2014 02:05:13 +0000
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