We are so lucky today. I was on the front porch at 8:05 on this rainy, mucky morning, telling Seth to give me a hug before he run to the bus. The bus driver was honking, he was getting impatient. Seth’s face was so small and sad inside the hood of his winter coat; he looked like a baby in there. He was upset that he hadn’t finished his homework, he was afraid he’ll get detention. Then he hugged me and kissed my cheek and ran down the steps, dragging that giant briefcase on his back. As always, ran and I shouted ‘have a good day, good luck, love you, etc’. Then I watched him run right into the road while a car came toward him. I started to scream. Are there words to describe this feeling? When you watch your own child be hit by a car, flung unto a car, hear him scream, hear yourself scream, watch the car drive off with your kid on the windshield? And then the sudden stop as he falls off the hood, as he is not on the car anymore, and gone from view? The bus driver was screaming, at me, something that I’m to blame, I was running to the car, screaming, screaming also, screaming loudest, because I heard that grueling, horrible shatter of my child’s world coming undone. And in front of that gray sedan Seth was crying, and getting and running towards me hysterically, shaken up, confused. I hugged him. And he was whole. A whole person, pale, scared, but able to walk and cry. I took him inside. The police were coming, and the ambulance and people were pulling up to help. Inside the house – it was dry and normal. The blanket was still sprawled at the fireplace where my son lies every morning with a book on tape until the house warms up, the table was splayed with sets of rummikub pieces from our morning game, the computer was open to a song he’s practicing for the school performance. These little things. Suddenly so very big. The paramedics checked him. He is fine. He was so lucky to have fallen on his bookbag. His bag of saltines for snack is crushed into a million little pieces. I don’t know why I’m compelled to share this. I think because I just need to share, especially with the many of you out there who are part of my life and part of Seth’s life. And because I want to explain why I am not working today, not sending my kid to school, not doing anything much except thinking about this morning. I just need to talk about it, talk about it, try to calm myself down. And I just feel like shouting off the rooftops that we have so much -- we have each other.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Dec 2014 15:40:38 +0000
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