Welcome to my nightmare. I am on hold. I am on my Third Call. The first call lasted 7 minutes, including time on hold, and ended with instructions to call this number instead. The second call lasted 7 minutes, including time on hold, and ended with instructions to call this number instead. I am trying to find out why a perfectly valid credit card hasnt been working, and fix that problem. So far, Third Call has lasted over an hour, and I have spoken to five people, all of whom said huh, I dont know why the computer is telling me this and let me transfer you to my supervisor. I have been put on hold seven times, and have spend far more time on hold listening to music than I have speaking to humans. Two of the longer times on hold were spent listening to incredibly insipid 1950s-era Christmas music, including I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus and a parody of the Twelve Days of Christmas where the gifts included a Japanese transistor radio. I am now listening to staticky instrumental elevator music. The song just ended, and now the same song has started over again, and while its less annoying than the Christmas music, my ears are now threatening to secede from my head. Okay, Third Call has ended at one hour, 14 minutes, and I have been given a different number to call which will supposedly fix the problem. Apparently their system doesnt believe the card was ever activated. Fourth Call: Got through the automated system, now waiting for the next available operator. SAME PROBLEM. I have been given yet another number to call, and have nobly restrained myself from shrieking at the Next Available Operator, because it isnt her fault. Two minutes. Fifth Call: Another automated system, sounding suspiciously identical to Second Call. Attempt to activate card via automated system. REJECTED. Back on hold with elevator music. After three minutes, I am choosing to get a callback from the next next available operator. Elapsed time since First Call: TWO HOURS. Filling in the time waiting for callback with increasingly creative homicidal fantasies. Also, folded some laundry, so the afternoon hasnt been completely wasted. Have been waiting for next next available operator for twenty minutes. Sixth Call: Calling back number for Third Call, during which I actually spoke to humans who made an effort to fix the problem. Same staticky instrumental elevator music. SAME CONVERSATION giving SAME INFORMATION. I am working very, very hard at not taking out my frustration on the latest call-center employee, whose name is Elena and who tells me she is a supervisor, which I frankly dont believe. I have research skills. I wonder if I can find the home phone number of the company president and contact him/her? ON HOLD AGAIN. oh, the rage. Elena says she can give me the number to call to activate the card. I explain that I got that number about three calls ago, followed the automated instructions, and it didnt work. Back on hold. Seventh Call: Tried, using the landline so Im still on the line with Elena. Didnt work. Tried a second time. Was told I had exceeded the maximum number of attempts to activate my card. ON HOLD AGAIN. Convinced that Satan invented hold music. Did I die and go to hell without noticing it? Elena is back. I ask, why cant they just activate the card from their end? She says shell talk to credit card department and see. MORE HOLD, during which I remember that on Third Call, I was told this couldnt be done. Now Elena says they have reactivated my card manually, and it should work. I tell her Im going to try to buy something with it, and she gives me her direct extension if it doesnt work. Total time on Seventh Call: 21 minutes. Go to Staples and attempt to buy attractive wooden desk organizer, because I damn well deserve it. After filling in many boxes with the same information I have been reciting to customer service reps for the past two and a half hours, Staples refuses to let me put in the correct expiration date for said card. I am a grownup, I will not weep or throw things. I am a grownup, I will not weep or throw things. I am a grownup, I will not weep or throw things. I am a grownup, I will not weep or throw things. I am a grownup, I will not weep or throw things. Go to Amazon. Order a DVD of Guardians of the Galaxy. Dance-off, you and me, Bro. CARD ACCEPTED, ORDER GOES THROUGH. Heavens open up, angels sing Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer in four-part harmony, accompanied by harps and steel drums. Total elapsed time: Two hours and forty-six minutes that I will never get back.
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 21:49:31 +0000
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