Well...as 2014 draws to an end...i have a heavy heart as I reflect on the past year. It has been a challenging year. I am transforming from a depressed gambling addict who hated life and hated the cards I was dealt. I resented my mother, my biological father, friends, acquaintances, and just plan any one in my life. A daughter to a mother whom committed suicide and most recently a daughter to a father who committed murder. Who am I? What is my identity? I always find myself comparing Tracy to everyone. I was never good enough, never able to LOVE or be loved. I always had doubts. Why would someone actually love me? I pushed away any one who actually cared. I taught myself not to get close. I was lonely. I was unable to face reality and how horrible my life had become. I wore a great life is good mask. People looked up to me and I was a complete mess. I hid everything. I hid how completely out of control and unmanageable my life had become. And.... My life came crashing down. And because of this...I have grown. I have learned how to manage my life. I have learned how to cope. I have learned to deal with my past. I have learned that I am loveable. I am learning to love. And most importantly I am learning the power of forgiveness. I know my actions are unforgivable to those I have wronged, however I have learned that am forgiven! 2014 started terrible.. And has gotten better. So friends, heres to 2015....a whole new year!
Posted on: Thu, 01 Jan 2015 03:02:58 +0000
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