Hello Zane, First off I would like to say I am a big fan of your work.I know you give pretty good advice and I was wondering if you could give me a little. Please keep my name anonymous!! I am a 25 year old mother of 3 beautiful children and yes..I started out young being a mother but I dont regret any of them and they are well taken care of.The reason im writing you is because im really confused about my relationship with my ex and need another persons point of view.We were together for almost three years on and off but last year was when things went downhill.Somewhere down the line he decided that I wasnt affectionate enough and decided to cheat and be with a another woman,while he was still living in my house.I didnt know at first.He said I didnt pay him enough attention despite me being a mother and working full time.I literally gave him all the love and attention I could even falling out with friends and family over him.I never cheated, changed my number,and was down for him through thick and thin.I feel as if I was too loyal to him and I feel like he took my heart, my trust and kindness for weakness.Maybe it was because when he came into my life..I was off track and he helped me get it together. Eventually I put him out and he was instantly in a new relationship with the new girl soon after.I can admit I was still messing with him and I know it was dumb but I think I was in a vulnerable stage and really depressed or something.I was hurting and mentally messed up cuz he had betrayed me and despite all that,I still loved him.I had lost my job right after he left and was barely survivng and he was helping me out despite having a gf..Now a few months after he left the girl he wants to come back to me and says he changed but I still keep finding out he still interacts with the ex gf,texts, fb messages,and other women at that.She and I had a convo not too long ago and she told me he told we were together a long time ago,she didnt know anything about us messing around at all.She assumed because I was around his family a lot that we were but she didnt know for sure.Im just to the point now where I feel like I cant trust him PERIOD and things can never be right!! He is putting everybodys life in danger and doesnt give a damn about anybodys feelings by messing with multiple women...and he continues to lie to me just to keep me around .He told me if I marry him..I can save him or some bs..I just need to know am I the crazy one or what?? Oh and let me add he has 7 kids, and 6 baby mamas and I stayed with him still even after he lied at first and said he only had 3 kids.. Please help.. Lost and Confused!! MY RESPONSE: I am not sure what you think anyone can say that will convince you that you need to leave him alone. He lied to you about how many kids he has. That would have been the deal breaker for me. If he will lie about his kids, specifically not claiming some even exist, he will lie about whether or not he has a woman. You should not have even been surprised by that. Now he has you almost buying into the whimsical fantasy that marrying him will change him. I am not sure what his end game is wtih this but either he is giving you money or you are giving him money and it is making both of you stagnant. You feel like you cannot trust him because you cant trust him. That is obvious. You are the only person who can decide what kind of environment you wish to raise your children in. This is a no-brainer for me because I never lie about anything and I expect the same from others. Like Judge Judy always says, If you always tell the truth, you dont have to have a good memory. Good luck but this is no longer his fault. You have taken him back over and over again, got nothing but BS for your effort and you even realize that he is putting your health and life at risk. Yet, you question whether you need to leave him alone. If he is more important than you and your kids, stay with him. If he is not, leave him alone.
Posted on: Thu, 16 Jan 2014 22:44:41 +0000
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