Well i just random got a lot of things on my mind just now and theres a couple of things Id like to just let loose and relieve the things weighing me down, instead of keeping it in. Which I have a habit of doing. A bad habit at that. Well, here we go I guess.. From one thing, from one incident i wished never had happened, its strange how much it can still hurt me. Tell me, when you arent thinking clearly and you have no idea what to do, how do you react? What does your mind tell you? Make you say or do without thinking it through? See, this can be a problem. For anyone. For most. When you feel pain that literally rips your heart out and stops your breathe and makes you think way more then u know you should, your body, your heart can physically break. What Im trying to say, but is somewhat difficult for me to put into words is this: I am sorry for the mistakes I have made. I am sorry to those who I have hurt. See, my thing in life is to help others and make sure they are happy and smiling, no matter if Im broken at the moment or not. Ill wipe the tears away, lock up the pain, and plaster a smile to my face to make you happy. Its what I do. Its who I am. But sometimes, just every once in awhile, this girl with pain built up inside, breaks. Just a little. Just a crack. Ive got to. Or Ill explode(; lol no, really though. Sometimes I cant do it anyone, and a tear falls and I crack inside and out. Then, when my weakness no longer traps me, I straighten up, sew back together, and continue. Im not saying oh I have a hard life; pity me. No. Im not saying that. Others have it worse and I no that. What Im saying is sometimes I just need a hug. Not a pat on the back, it will be ok, kinda hug. But a hug that is from someone I need it from. Someone I can burry my face into their chest and cry. Or laugh and smile bcuz I love them. All I want then, is to hear from the one holding me is that truly i will be ok. That no matter what happens, they will be with me. I never though Id find anyone. That guy I could look at and say hes mine and Im happy. That Im truly happy. When I thought about finding someone, every time I couldnt understand someone loving me the way that I love people. The way I saw it was that I wasnt anything special. Nothing to get worked up over. Defiantly couldnt see a guy fighting for me. But that was then. And this is now. I met that guy. The one I look at and have to smile because no matter how sad I get I cant hide the fact that my heart and soul screams from joy when I see him. That no matter how many times I say Im fat, he always denies it and calls me beautiful. (: that, that right there, I love that. This man has made me think, hes made me laugh till I cried, hes made me smile, yes but only a couple times has he had me cry. But only for me to stand up, wipe away the tears, and fix the situation. I wish not to loose the one closest to me. Who I can say anything to. But most of all I can be myself with him. And that is the greatest thing of all. I am truly sorry for the things I gave done wrong, but I can only wish that most will forgive me not for the many things I have done wrong, but for the most I have done right. And if you read this, I want you to never judge yourself. Never say u arent good enough. You are perfect just the way you are. Dont let anyone tell you to change and dont change for anyone but yourself. And if he reads this, yes you dork, the man I love most. With my whole heart and soul, I want him just to know this. Im sorry for my mistakes. And most of all, I love you. Ive never looked at anyone and been able to say they are the one. Until I met you. I love you.
Posted on: Mon, 27 Jan 2014 06:05:11 +0000
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