Well, more test results came in. Some of the news is good. Some is a bit somber. The blood screen looked good. My bad cholesterol was fine. My good cholesterol was a bit off but diet and exercise should help that. No mention of diabetes, which was a surprise and a relief. Everything else from the blood test was fine. The somewhat somber news came from the ultrasound. It seems I have an abdominal aortic aneurysm. As far as I can understand through the medicalese, that means one of the major arteries coming out of my heart is distended and weakened. If it ruptures, a fast, painful death will most likely ensue, unless the artery happens to burst while Im already in a hospital where I can be in surgery within minutes. It seems my instinct to start working on my bucket list was a good one. :) Its only somewhat somber for several reasons though. First, its not clear that this aneurysm is immediately life threatening. The dilation is at 4.5 cm. The medical protocol is to not do any surgical intervention unless it reaches 5.0 cm. So for now, I get another ultrasound in 6 months to see if the dilation is growing or not and whether surgery is indicated or not. Another reason it is only somewhat somber news is that Ive had a strong sense that the clock is ticking for quite a while now. At the end of last August I was given a clear premonition that my death would be happening sometime in the next 6 months to 5 years. At this point, thats somewhere in the next 2 months to 4 1/2 years or so. And death does not frighten me. Ive been carrying a heavy, heavy load for decades. Death will actually be a rest for me. When my mother died in 2005, she was tired and was ready to go. I accepted that then. Now I understand exactly how she felt. :) And I know that dying is only a transition to the next stage. Ive touched the other side and I know that is literally true. I was with my dad when he died in 2004. He was frightened of death. At the very moment his spirit left his body though, I felt his immense joy at what he saw on the other side. His spirit was radiant with joy as it left.
Posted on: Tue, 06 Jan 2015 16:35:22 +0000
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