What Does Islam Say AboutDating, Love & Marriage?Here is The Question:Can we date in Islam?If not, why not?What is the Islamic ruling for a Muslim boy and a Muslim girl, who go to the same college and they are deeply in love and want to be together?Can they date each other? Or does Islam forbid the normal relationships we have in todays world?What is allowed in Islam?Also, what if the parents of the girl have already selected another man for her to marry, but she doesnt want him to be her husband, she wants the one who she already loves?First of all, thank you for seeking knowledge and asking from the sources of Islam.Let us examine the difference betweenlove, dating,romance & marriage.ROMANCERomance, if not checked, may mean wasting time, effort and dignity. Islam teaches us to be truthful and realistic. Besides, the concept of love in Islam is very unique, when a Muslim loves something or somebody, it must be for the sake of Allah; the same applies to hatred.The romantic notions that occupy the mind of young people often have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in theWest to understand this point.To give an example, the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on.Yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not result in an everlasting bond between two people.In most cases, romance and love die out very quickly when couple find themselves with the real world. The unrealistic expectation that young people have is what often contributes to the failure oftheir relationship.DATINGOne of our current scholarstold us, Dating prepares us- NOT for marriage, but for DIVORCE.After being involved with a person for a time, and then breakiing up and going through the feelings of remorse or loneliness and unhappiness, and thenmoving on to the nextrelationship and then another break-up, hard feelings, sadness and then yet another series of dating, hanging out, breaking up and so on.Definitely a married couplewho have both been in relationships prior to marriage, falling in love, arguing, breaking up and then going through the sad feelings and repeating this over and over, are much more likely to end up in a very rough marriage and very possible divorce.There is no room in Islam for illicit affairs or the Western vogue-word of boyfriend and girlfriend. Allthose stories of media and movies are not helpful to make a person comply withthe teachings of Islam.MARRIAGEIslam teaches us that marriage is the finest, purest and permissible relationship that should exist between a male and female; it should be the goal that they both have in mind.Marriage is so serious and so important that it is clearly defined in the Quran and in the teachingsof Islam by the prophet, peace be upon him.You may be surprised to learn the subject of Divorce- is also mentioned and dealt with in very clear terms, to insure that it doesnot happen except with due consideration and proper representation and insurance of rights for both parties.Quran offers many references concerning rights and limits in marriage, love and divorce.There is even an entire surah (chapter) namedAl Talaq(The Divorce).Marriage in Islam is a beautiful way for two people to bring together their families, heritage and culture for the purpose of bringing more little Muslims into the world, in love, commitment and dedication to Allah, His Book, His prophet, peace be upon him, and surrender to Him in peace (Islam).Question #1The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, says:Three qualities, if found ina person, will help him have perfect faith: Having Allah and His Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, as the most beloved ones, loving a person only for the sake of Allah and hating getting back toKufr(disbelief) the way one hates to be throwninto fire.That means love is a fruit ofpiety. Love without piety is mischief.There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practiced in the West. There is no dating or living inde factorelationship or trying each other out before committing to each other. There is to be no physical relationship whatsoever before marriage.From an Islamic perspective, in choosing a partner, the most important factor that should be taken into consideration isTaqwa(piety and consciousness ofAllah).The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, recommended the suitors to see each other before going through with marriage procedures.That is very important because it is unreasonable for two people to be throwninto marriage and be expected to have a successful marital life, full of love and affection, when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each other.This ruling does not contradict the Quranic verse that says, “…believing men and women should lower their gaze”(An-Nur: 30). The couple, however, are not permittedto be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As theHadithsays:When a man and a womanare together alone, theShaytan(Satan) makes theirthird.One of the conditions of a valid marriage is the consent of the couple. Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian. Thisis to safeguard her welfare and interests. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:The widowand the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented to that and the virgin shall not be married until her consent issought.The Prophet did nullify the marriage of a girl who complained to him that herfather had married her against her wishes.Though love is something nice, and it is recommended for a man tomarry a woman whom he loves, because the Prophet,peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: “There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage.”(Sahih Al-Jami`, 5200)However, this love should not be overwhelming and cause a person to forget other characteristics which he should look for in the person he wants to marry.The most important characteristic is religious commitment. The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:“A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her commitment to religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust[i.e., may you prosper]!”(Agreed-upon Hadith).Dear brother in Islam, we hope that the main points of the issue have become clear. Now, let’s assume that you are the person mentioned in your question:On what basis would you like to choose your partner?Wouldn’t you look to her commitment to Islam – does she pray regularly, forexample? Does she adhere to the IslamicHijabprescribed byShariah?If the lady you want to marry is religious, of good manners, and obeys Allah and His Messenger, and both of you want to please Allah in this world in order to earn reward in the Hereafter, then you have made a perfect choice, and we ask Allah to fulfill your hopes and bring you together in a good way. If she is not, then you should reconsider your choice. May Allah help you to do what He loves and what pleases .
Posted on: Wed, 06 Aug 2014 07:01:02 +0000
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