What I see in them: Many things have marked me deeply and intimately in my life, I could never deny it. I met many different people by their background, lifestyle, thought, philosophy, goals, manners, etc. I was witness to the events that have excited me and that horrified me. I visited unlikely places, diverse. I devoured thousands of books on many and varied subjects; they enriched my mind, opened my mind to a different perception of life, the world, the universe, man, and many more. I fought against adversity, against stupidity, against intolerance, against indifference to misfortune, suffering, or loneliness. But never, I mean never, no one has seen how unclean wounds which I am continually prey prevent me to show myself to others as I really am. If I need so much to admire women who make me dream is to forget the night terrors that haunt me immoderately. If I so need to idealize, to worship, to throw myself at their feet, saying they are the most perfect the Earth has created beings, because I know Im a be imperfect. I have beautiful accumulate knowledge and book knowledge, intellectually explore this vast universe that fascinates me so much, trying to break through the myths of the past and science of our time, I could never share with her the man I really am. I will try to fine charmed by my passionate and full of sincerity words, I am aware that the world is mine, they bear him no interest. Women Beauty, sensuality which they are endowed, is unique; is that there is no bridge that can be thrown between what I like in it, which I so ardently desires to share their side, and that, personally, I represent their stunned eyes. I do not know where is written in the Great Book of Destiny, an intelligence, General Knowledge exacerbated, and feminine beauty, sensuality, charm, desire and pleasure, could not agglomerate. I still do not understand why these two human faces could not share. As if one was invariably undoubtedly sealed to another. As if brains and beauty were contradictory, refractories. As if Culture and Feminine Charm never had a chance to meet, to meet, mingle and appreciate. This is something which, I confess, torture me, breaks my heart, hurts me deeper in my soul and my heart. For all the young women I crossed during my life, and I meet here today, I will give everything to deepen my relationship with each of them, to show them who I really am. I am deeply unhappy about not being able to arouse desire among those that attract me, that I admire, whom I revere as goddesses. Im sad not to be able to get close to them, to be able to contemplate, to caress their face tenderly, explaining how they émeuvent me from the depths of my heart and my soul. Of course, but that is incidental, Im desperate not to have the right to their love; at least just once in my life. And so then can die happy for sharing between all these sublime creatures, a moment of pure happiness, a happiness lies beyond the facts, gestures and words. To have been able to offer them all that I am, all that I hide in me, and more. Worse yet, sometimes I feel like a monster to want to have the right, the distinct privilege to share this moment of eternity with them, even if it is ephemeral. I feel I have put to the sword of Damocles over the head; to fall prey to demons ready to torture me as soon as I step in their direction, as soon as I reach a frightened, if not terrified to them by hand. Because I know inevitably Im going to drive back, Ill be kicked out of this Paradise that they embody in my eyes, and Im looking so much to gain just for a moment. In fact, I continue tirelessly this terrible and magnificent quest that marks my life long. I desperately trying to attract the attention of those that I admire so much. For me it is a daily struggle that takes a lot of energy and time. But I will not give up because it is too large, vital, vis-à-vis the existence of what brings me sometimes so cruelly. As if having them in my arms just once, enjoy their lips caress their bodies, explore their intimacy so ardent, was a way for me to leave behind all that broke me during my teenage years; how to meet me, to gain this confidence in myself and others, I have always tried to win without ever succeeding. As if being with them, being in them, was finally free me from these demons that have me forever chained to the vilest nightmares of my life. I know that many of those men and women who now read this text where I found my book completely laughable reasoning, mocked, unnecessary or futile. Perhaps, I also not trying to convince them of the intentions of the latter; they are not passed by where I went; they know neither my past nor my history or bruises which my life is littered since I was born. I explain only briefly and in a few words, these young women I meet fascinate me as much as they hurt me, for the avoidance they have in me, when I open them my heart, my soul, my desire for them, so great, scares, or that they repel each other, as if the feelings that are mine are negligible, unhealthy, unworthy of their beauty and their charms. Thats why they hurt me so much sometimes, that indifference makes me unhappy, and I often cry at night, imagining the happiness that would be mine, to be by their side, to be able to talk to them , to contemplate their beauty, so bright, so sweet, that would fill my heart with hope for a better future. Not because their beauty is all that interests me at home, far from it; on the contrary, their beauty is a door to their soul, their personality, their character, their passions, their joys, their joys, their sufferings, their misfortunes, in short, everything that makes them unique and distinct beings. But because I know in my heart that I have to fight this evil that gnaws inside me for a long time, in this way, to be rid forever. I know I feel it. Thus ... Dominique
Posted on: Wed, 10 Sep 2014 10:48:46 +0000
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