What Your Pastors Wife Needs Most in a Friend AMY CARROLL One who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the king for a friend. Proverbs 22:11 (NIV) I sat in mute sadness, as I listened to the woman sitting in the drivers seat beside me. Tears streamed down this pastors wifes face as she described her familys financial struggles. No one had asked her about her return to the workforce. She felt nobody cared about her as she transitioned from home to full-time work. Years before, a friend in the church gossiped about a confidence she shared, so this woman felt she could no longer trust anyone with her pain. Another pastors wife stoically described the 20 years she spent alone in a pew Sunday after Sunday until one woman finally reached out in friendship. Her face lit up, as she told me about her new friend who now sits with her and banishes the painful loneliness she felt amongst the crowd at her own church. Isnt it strange? Pastors wives are often some of the most admired women in the church, and yet they are often the most lonely. When listing my life-long friends, I realized two of the five are pastors wives. Thats a pretty big percentage, so what binds me to these women? Their loyalty, love and acceptance. Theyre a treasure to me, so Ive been thinking: What does a pastors wife most need in a friend? How can I be that kind of friend? When talking to my besties and searching Scripture, two main needs emerged. Pastors wives need their friends to be: 1) free from expectations and 2) free from self. Heres what I mean ... Free from Expectations Both of my friends defy the stereotypes attached to a pastors wife. They need friends who will let them be themselves, women with their own identity separate from a spouse or the church. Releasing our pastors wives from our expectations is the greatest gift we can give. Pastors wives are real women just like us with flaws, varying gifts, dust on their dressers, arguments with their husbands and a wide range of personalities. If we want to be true, pure-hearted friends without ulterior motives, we need to affirm all their facets, cover their imperfections with love and encourage them to follow their passions rather than just expect them to conform to a mold. Free from Self Some days, its all about me ... or at least thats how I act at times. In my selfishness, Ive had thoughts like: She hasnt answered my email. I wonder what Ive done wrong. Or, I cant believe she just blew by me in the store. She must be mad at me. Im learning to let go of selfish thoughts and give my friends space. Pastors wives minister to the many people, carve out time for their husbands during their odd hours off, work, run their households, reach out to neighbors, care for their children and more. The list is unending. They need friends who are selfless, patient friends who give them grace instead of demand perfect performances. We also have to refrain from gossip. I hate to admit it, but theres a part of me that longs to repeat confidences when I want to feel more important or in the know ... like Im part of the inner circle. As their friends, we have to overcome the desire to build up ourselves and to put our friend first by never, ever, gossiping. Both my friends expressed how important confidentiality is to them. Its a deal-breaker for your pastors wife. As todays key verse points out, good leaders delight in friendships with those who are in pure in heart and speak graciously. Indeed ... sincere, caring, kind and genuine relationships give life to those who lead. In the midst of church life, we walk through all of lifes joys and pain together with love and loyalty. Its what pastors wives want in a friend ... and its what I want, too. Thats true friendship and a desire at the heart of every woman, pastors wife or not. Lord, help me to be a truly loyal friend to my pastors wife, putting her needs above my own. Purify my heart and my words to be a joy and encouragement to all my friends. In Jesus Name, Amen. TRUTH FOR TODAY: Proverbs 17:17, A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. (NIV) Job 16:20, My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God ... (NIV) Ecclesiastes 4:10, If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. (NIV)
Posted on: Sat, 04 Oct 2014 10:50:28 +0000
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