What else can she take...even my ability to look up? I am not allowed to go to my sanctuary because why? I have learned that if one is coming for their heart, who gives a damn about....????? But I love that I have to give me up in order that someone cant find a valid excuse for the doing the same thing she didnt do before I even knew her lack of commitment to coming and wanting to come in the first place. Just another thing that will be lied about and used against me and used against me unfairly to control a situation. I will stay away...for a time out of respect for the childrens need to be there. If it is such a need for you to go and I have been there once in how long and you knew that, and you never came half the time before I knew what UCC was or even heard of in MY hometown, who else did you use for excuse before that when you slept until noon or one when I had committed myself to nothing but the CHURCH not just our church, THE church.... I have been part of something that didnt take the miracle of children to love it....my family. I dont care if you come why should you? If it was a need for your kids, why would you not do what is best for your kids versus some one you cant stand? I want you to be okay someday. You get to be mad or hurt. I am sorry that you think you are the only one hurt or struggling. Are you aware of anyone else in this? You dont think I didnt feel guilty, and still would, if you are so able to find ways to be better when your situation is exactly the way you want it to be for me and get mad and vengeful for no reason other than to just be, I cant understand that thinking that you could be using the same energy to improve your life. Because of that kind of thing in my life I cannot progress without being able to benefit from that progress and even in my own family. You have nothing behind you that says you cant be happier. You have beautiful chances for laughter in your home and the ability to be able to create experiences to do it. You can go to church, I wont come if that is such a need and I am the reason you dont want to come at the moment. Im walking away. Have the church because I wont fight you for something I know I can find in my heart any time or in the damn grocery store. I can sing anywhere (and I do) much to the chagrin of the public libraries everywhere. Have the church. I will still know my family. I will still know their love and will still know my sanctuary. I want the girls to know the same thing. There are other UCC churches if I choose, but there is only one family I know in my heart. Have that and feel it. I do love you or my totality in being unkind is slightly unmatchable these last few weeks in things I say. I might vent but in evaluating me I have tried to show you this was not a deliberate attack. But the one thing I will never do is to feel like someone is forced out of their church. It is the one thing I have been requested to do is to leave it and because of love and respect, I am. Dont underutilize your need forcing me to leave everything now. There is nothing left for Springtime to happen in my life now. Dont abuse what you say you want and cause another rift for yourself. You wanted this, it is the only thing that I can do for you that says have no reason to worry about things in life that cant be taken away. Just dont throw it away. Someones trash is someone elses treasure......go to church, Patti, you have no fear of me showing up if you are there. Chris. If someone could please share this with Patti for me that would be great. Thank you. All I can do now is look up and I know that I have my treasure because of trash left out on the curb.....
Posted on: Tue, 18 Nov 2014 23:26:32 +0000
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