When I posted this picture the other day, there was a hesitation as to whether I should post it or not. Here we all stand with genuine smiles on our faces…every.single.one.of.us….at a place where a lot of sadness just took place, the cemetery. We laid to rest our Granny, Nana, Mother, and for me, my last grandparent, just moments before this was taken. The hesitation of posting the picture shot my brain back to the conversation that I had with my mother the day before. I was telling her how I was so sad to let go all the memories of her house on Highland. Many of Thanksgivings and Christmases took place there. Many dinners sitting around the 6-foot table my Grandfather built (I would always sit next to him), running up and down the long hallways. Just being kids. I felt all those memories disappear, and oddly enough at the same time become clearer than day the moment I heard of my Granny’s passing. I was so mad that these times are gone, and there are so many questions to ask, and so many conversations to have, so many secrets to learn, so many things I never did, etc., etc. Somebody once told me “Death is for the living”. I understand that statement more and more every time I think about it. Here I am remembering all the things I didn’t do all the things that can’t be undone, all the regret starts sinking in. I quickly find myself slowly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, there is light to it all, and no it’s not a train. The light is, gaining back the control and not becoming a victim. Learning from a huge lesson that has been given to me, and it lies within the picture. My family. The truth is, those memories at 535 Highland where done a long time ago. It’s been years since the feeling of that house was the way it used to be. My Granny was never the same without her true love next to her side. So I told myself, now is the time. I have all of my family with me. It is our responsibility to give our kids the memories we had and then some. Yeah it may not be on Shepard Street in Colorado City, or at Granny and Grandpas in Abilene, but we will always have my parents’ house, and I couldn’t think of a better place to be. The future is so full of life, and maybe death is just a reminder of all we have to be thankful for, and the potential of the memories we can create for our offspring. The kids really do make everything better. They bring light to such a darkness. Their energy is priceless. Yeah, I miss my Granny and will in a way not many will understand, but maybe you do. Maybe you all get it. All I can say is that I am not the same person I was Tuesday, March 25th at 1:15 pm, the moment I found out. A special place in me went away, but will bring wisdom I never knew I had. Gosh, I miss her. I love you Granny. Please keep teaching me quietly the way you always did. You were everything I hope to be in a woman, mother, and hopefully someday, wife. I will continue to try and make you proud for the precious soul that is my son. We were smiling in this picture because of you. You were the rock behind it all.
Posted on: Mon, 31 Mar 2014 12:49:31 +0000
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