When I try to think of any other 5 year period in my life that has been as life altering as the 5 years since Aaron first deployed on November 11, 2008 - I cant. The past 5 years made me realize that the sight of a bus pulling away can overwhelm me, and that dreams that contain the sound of a knock on the door will forever keep me up at night. The past 5 years brought with it the paralyzing terror of learning that someone in 3/8 had been hurt or killed - but not who. And the past 5 years brought the guilt that started with the first rush of relief I felt when I learned it wasnt my son - followed shortly by the horrifying realization that, technically, it was a rush of relief that it WAS someone elses son. The past 5 years brought middle of the night phone calls or unexpected emails that were too often completely and utterly devastating, and the past 5 years brought funerals and memorial services and graveside Angelversary visits for my sons friends and my friends sons. The past 5 years brought the knowledge that my child, who was barely 19 years old when he first deployed, would have to adjust to war and to watching friends die - and seeing too many who served with him face the consequences of not making that adjustment. The past 5 years have made me dread December - because I know that normal ceased to exist for so many of my 3/8 family on January 1st, 2009. But the past 5 years also taught me that even a cheer coach can cheer harder than she EVER had at the sound of a bus approaching at the end of 7 or 8 months. And the past 5 years also contained the only times in my life when I have ever spontaneously danced around my living room like an idiot - either because another 3/8 Mom found a picture of my son or hers after months of no contact, or because I was tipsy in a living room at a beach house or a mountain cabin with some of those 3/8 Moms. The past 5 years have brought the only times a ringing phone waking me up from already troubled sleep was cause to celebrate, and the past 5 years taught me that sometimes the only people who could understand that were those I had never even met. The past 5 years brought more laughter and more inside jokes than I can count, the best vacations I have ever taken and most of the best friends I have ever had. The past 5 years have brought me amputee humor, and the realization that I no longer feel bad for those young men walking through Walter Reed - Im just so damn glad they made it, and I am inspired to be a better person by them, and by those who dropped everything to take care of them as they recover. The past 5 years have shown me that the worst things often happen to the best people, but they have also shown me that even the worst things dont take away the best parts of them. Somehow, the past 5 years have made me the saddest and most heartbroken I think I will ever be, and the happiest and most fulfilled I have ever been. The past 5 years brought suffocating heartbreak and complete and utter joy, and the worst fears and the best friends. The past 5 years have taught me to appreciate every second I get with my family and friends - and to dedicate myself to those who have not been as lucky as we have been. To all those who have served - more than anything I want you to know that I thank you from the bottom of my heart this Veterans Day. To those who havent served - more than anything I hope that you do the same.
Posted on: Mon, 11 Nov 2013 20:11:12 +0000
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