When I was leaving University of Port Harcourt years ago, I recall an incident on the bus taking me to Abuja. I had packed up all of my stuff and was on my way there. I felt shame, humiliation, anger, bitterness and much else. I felt like every eye was on me and knew that I had just spent two extra years in the University because of one foul up or the other. I felt useless, afraid and wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I had put on a brave face for a lot of my friends who saw me off to the bus park but God knows I was broken inside. I was dying and screaming silently and, had no outlet. So, I boarded that bus to continue with the rest of my life. On the bus, I brought out my Nokia phone and typed out a text t three people. Two, I had mentored in school and one another who I shall mention at the end of this post. I laugh now, as I write this because he used to trouble my life then in school that I should mentor him and stop misbehaving. We had some really crazy moments of fun and discussions on faith, life and love but, he would always go back to saying such things and, we would laugh again. In my text, I practically became like Augustus Caesar; I asked if I had played my part well. LOL! Seriously though, I asked if I had been a good man, in their opinion. I poured out my heart in a few lines and said I was broken and needed to know from them, in all honesty if I had left a legacy there in that school that they believed was good. I was grasping at straws and wanted to know that even if I had failed to leave there with a fantastic result, I had not failed to touch lives. It may sound funny to read this but, at that time it was all I had to hold on to. I just wanted to know I had done something of value. Funny how the things I went through had brought me to that point where I even doubted my life had counted for anything there. Only the last person replied. The other two did not. I even found out years later that one of them did not reply because she said she was ill with malaria and I did not call her or visit and, I wondered how someone I mentored, howbeit for a brief moment, would be that way when she knew that at that time I was going through hell writing multiple exams, chasing down missing results and pleading with a Prof in the department to help me. Was it out of place to have my future as a priority for once? Only that one person said anything to me. His reply came within minutes. I do not remember the exact words anymore (I saved it in my phone for a long while to encourage myself somewhat) but, it went something like this; we all know you loved God and wanted to serve Him and do the right things always. We may not have always understood you or agreed with you but, we all know this to be true. You did good here in Uniport and everyone who knows you, knows it. That was when I allowed myself cry. Over the last few days I have had some stuff come to mind which I was sharing with a friend the other night and this one popped up in my mind this morning and, with it the clown who sent me that message. He and a few others kept up with me to see where I was, how I was doing and what plans I was making for the future so it was not just him but, at that point he was the one who sent words what I needed to hear. So, thank you Toki Numbere. You are still a clown and you are still disrespectful of your elders and one day I really will beat you up but, thank you. You helped me find peace in a way that day.
Posted on: Fri, 21 Nov 2014 06:53:10 +0000
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