When Mike and I married, Stephanie was 13. For all of you that have raised a teenage girl, you will understand what a challenge that is. For those of you that have not, imagine nailing Jell-O to a wall… in a hurricane. They can be a handful. Mike hadn’t been around any teenage girls so introducing him to this lifestyle was quite colorful. The one thing that kept him going was the thought that one day this teenage girl would grow up and possibly snag him a son-in-law. A son-in-law he could take fishing. A son-in-law he could hunt with. A young man he could pass his vast redneck knowledge on to. Mission accomplished. 2 years ago she married a fine young man. A young man some might refer to as a “city boy.” While the children were visiting over the weekend, Mike mentioned it was squirrel season. The boy, Kyle, seemed to perk up with this news. “I could shoot a squirrel,” he said. My daughter was shocked by this revelation. He continued to explain he could shoot a country squirrel but not a city squirrel. He won’t shoot something that will eat out of your hand, but to see one from afar, he thought he could pull the trigger. Mike decided it was time to break him in as a hunter. Since he didn’t have a hunting license, they decided this would be a dry run of sorts. Mike went out to ready the Mule while Kyle changed clothes for the event. Stephanie and I had retired to the pool and waited for the two to emerge for their maiden voyage. Now… let me explain something about Kyle. Kyle is outdoorsy. He bikes 30 miles in an afternoon just for fun. He hikes mountains and kayaks rivers. He commutes around town on his bicycle instead of in a car. But, he doesn’t own a lick of camo and he has never shot a gun. He isn’t the same kind of outdoorsman as Mike. He eats granola to fuel up and he loves turkey bacon…something Mike considers almost a vegetable. So when he came outside in Patagonia hiking gear from head to toe, wearing knee high socks and eating an organic coconut and almond bar, I was interested to see how this would turn out. The two set off on a journey to hunt meat…bring back…feed women. (insert manly grunt) One in backpacking clothes with a thick layer of sunscreen and the other in full camo with a large weapon. That in itself was entertainment enough for me. After less than an hour, not nearly enough time to hunt squirrels, they returned empty-handed. It seems every time they saw something move, Kyle yelled, “Don’t shoot! It might have a family!” It isn’t quite the picture Mike had in mind all these years, but I can tell he is content. If for no reason other than Kyle being able to use his math degree to calculate the proper angle to hold his weapon plus wind velocity and caliber of bullet for Mike to kill something every time. City and country living together in harmony, at last. So long as all animals are killed and prepared before Kyle arrives to dinner...
Posted on: Wed, 20 Aug 2014 11:33:41 +0000
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