When my partner and I fell pregnant we were over the moon. We had created something together, the gorgeous product of our love. At our first ultra sound we found out we were 8 weeks pregnant, there on the screen was our little baby. Our little baby had a heartbeat and it was such a strong heartbeat, we still remember it was 170bpm. We couldn’t wipe the smiles off our faces, it was a wonderful moment, a moment you cant describe with words, because no words are close to being good enough. The weeks went by and everyday we got more and more excited to meet our bundle of joy. I still remember my partner Steve would kiss my stomach every morning and say good morning to our baby. We picked out names and we were even thinking about who our baby would look like. I pictured bubba to have my partner’s big blue eyes. We decided to announce our pregnancy after our next ultra sound, so I booked one for 13 weeks, it was also to make sure our baby was okay and so we could see our baby. We couldn’t wait to see bubbas little hands, tiny feet and gorgeous face. On the 30th of November the day after my 21st birthday, was ultra sound day, it was a gorgeous day that day the sky a cloudless blue. Our smiles were as bright as the sun; we were going to see our baby. My partner and I went into the little room, my friend Haley who came up for my birthday waited in the waiting room. The lady started the ultrasound, I remember my partner looking at the screen funny, I squeezed his hand and said ‘don’t do that look, you’re scaring me.’ The lady took the camera off my belly and just looked at us with tears in her eyes and said ‘it doesn’t look good, there’s no heartbeat.’ It almost felt like everything went in slow motion, I looked at Steve, we grabbed each other and we cried and cried and fell together. We lost our baby at 8 weeks, not long after our first ultra sound, I carried bubba for 5 weeks with no signs of something being wrong. It was a missed miscarriage. Steve and I were shattered. Heartbroken. In March this year Steve and I found out we were pregnant again, we were super excited but also very scared. A couple of weeks later I started getting weird back pains. At work one day I started getting sharp pains on the left side of my lower abdomen, and lots of pressure. We knew something wasn’t right. I had already booked a doctors appointment for the next day, so I just waited it out. The pain continued and getting worse, the pain started going down my left leg. The next day we went to the doctors my doctor became very concerned that I was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy. Steve, my mum and I decided we should go to the hospital that night, just in case. The hospital did tests and just said it was a miscarriage and sent me home with out giving me an ultra sound. They told me to book one for the next day. I booked my ultrasound the next morning and was in at 2.30pm that afternoon. The lady started the ultra sound she put the camera on my belly but couldn’t find the baby; she kept saying how weird it was with how much fluid was around my abdomen. She couldn’t find anything, so she did an internal exam so she could see my fallopian tubes. And there was the egg caught right in the middle of my left fallopian tube. It was an ectopic pregnancy. It had already burst, and I had been bleeding into my body for about two days. We went straight to the hospital and within the hour I was in emergency surgery. I lost my left fallopian tube and another baby. Luckily my right fallopian tube and both my ovaries are beautiful and healthy. So I can still conceive a baby naturally. These experiences for my partner and I have brought us so much closer and our love and bond have become so much deeper. We get stronger with everyday that goes by. Even though we heal slowly and everyday gets easier, our hearts will forever be broken. We still cry sometimes for our babies in heaven, its not something you just get over with small steps you cope better, some days are harder than others, we will never get over it and we will never ever forget our baby angels. It took me a few months to write our story not because I don’t remember what happened, but because I had to relive every moment, every heartbreaking moment. I had to go back to the moment they told us something was wrong and I had to go back to looking into my beautiful partners eyes and seeing pure sadness, to wake up crying to each other every morning. Steve was my rock through all of this he showed a strength that I cant describe, he kept me from falling as well as holding himself from falling, and on days he didn’t feel strong enough my mum and Dave held both of us up. Life throws many obstacles your way, sometimes there is a lesson to be learned and you can understand that and sometimes there isn’t a lesson to be learned, that’s hard to understand. So my family, partner and I decided to do tough mudder, a 20km obstacle course to get fit and to raise money for the Angel Babies charity. There is no positive from losing our babies so we decided to take a positive step instead. Helping others, helping families and showing everyone and ourselves that no matter what, you can get through it. We never knew how strong we were, until we had to be. And anyone who has been through this you are strong too even if you don’t feel like you are. ‘The best and most beautiful things in the world, cannot be seen. They must be felt with heart.’ Mummy and Daddy love you our angel babies. Never forgotten. Forever in our hearts.
Posted on: Fri, 19 Jul 2013 10:10:03 +0000
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