When tragedies happen like yesterday at Ft. Hood it makes one ponder his or own mortality. It makes one think whether they will have a hard time to find someone to speak at your eulogy or will people be lining up to speak of the person you were. You can’t help but sit there and ask yourself if you are in fact ready to die tomorrow and have you done everything you wish you would have. What is your legacy? Will friends speak of you and remember you for days, weeks, months or even a year; or will they tell their grandchildren of the friend they once lost. I know I am not ready to die and I want to watch my girls grow up and ughh possibly marry one day… Many years from now after college, nun school etc etc but most of us don’t get a choice when that time comes so we must be ready to go at any time. Serving in the military your own mortality is never in question. You constantly plan in the event of your death. You update life insurance every couple months and are constantly hammered about having a will. However it wasn’t any of my three deployments that I came to closest to losing my life but rather after my third deployment at Ft. Hood when I sought help for issues I was having after returning from Iraq. The first they did was put me on 4-5 different meds and to those who knew me closest saw the change happen before their eyes. Then one night a close friend of mine got a call informing them I had just taken all my meds. This is hard to type even several years later but maybe this will hit one of you and help you. Most people who know me will vouch that I am full of life and attempting suicide is not something that would ever be in my plans. The problem was in the Drs not listening to what I had to say and all they heard was Iraq and shotgun blasted me with meds that made my entire judgment clouded and I did the only thing that made sense to me at the time. People are getting hung up on how long he spent in Iraq or didn’t spend and I will even admit I scoffed at the idea at first of four month PTSD diagnosis but then started to think to all my tours and how four months was long enough to die about 23423434 different ways. Ultimately everyone is responsible for his or her own actions and there is no denying how wrong this whole situation was, but we also need to look at the quality of care veterans are being given and the success of the meds being handed out. No man has power over the wind to contain it; so no one has power over the day of his death. (Ecclesiastes 8:8)
Posted on: Thu, 03 Apr 2014 11:00:10 +0000
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