While Chris Christie continues to be the gift that keeps giving here are a few to brighten your day: One Liners Groucho Marx – “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.” Billy Connoly – “My definition of an intellectual, is someone who listens to the William Tell overture and thinks, Lone Ranger.” Spike Milligan –“Chopsticks are the one reason that the Chinese never invented custard.” Bob Newhart – “I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And, for the people who do like country music, denigrate means put down.” Jimmy Carr – “I saw that show, ‘ 50 things to do before you die’. I would have thought that the obvious one was, ‘shout for help’”. Ken Dodd – “I have Kleptomania. But, when it gets bad, I take something for it.” Oscar Wilde – “The English county gentleman galloping after a fox is the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.” Mark Twain – “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Bob Hope – “I remember a member of my staff asking me when I was going to retire. I said when I could no longer hear the sound of people laughing. He said, ‘that never stopped you before’”. Joan Rivers – ”The first time I see a jogger smile, I’ll consider it.” Bill Cosby – “Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.” Mae West – “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” Jay Leno – “Politics is just show business for ugly people.” Kenneth Williams – “Infamy, Infamy, They’ve all got it in for me.” Jerry Seinfeld – “I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup.” Ambrose Bierce, author of the Devils Dictionary (1842-1913) “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” Homer Simpson – “Trying is the first step towards failure.”
Posted on: Wed, 26 Mar 2014 19:02:06 +0000
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