*Why do Italians hate Jehovahs Witnesses? Because Italians hate all witnesses. * *Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony? On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said (To New York ) TO NY * *You know youre Italian when . . .. . You can bench press 325 pounds, Shave twice a day and still cry * *when your mother yells at you. * *You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you cant fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag. * *Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins. * *You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother. * *You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.* *You only get one good shave from a disposable razor. * *If someone in your family grows beyond 5 9, it is presumed his Mother had an affair. * *There were more than 28 people in your bridal party. * *You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion. * *And you REALLY, REALLY know youre Italian when . . . . * *Your grandfather had a fig tree. * *You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00 . * *Christmas Eve . . . only fish. * *Your moms meatballs are the best. * *Youve been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you. * *You know how to pronounce manicotti and mozzarella. * *You fight over whether its called sauce or gravy. * *Youve called someone a mamaluke. * *And you understand bada bing. * *This is why I love the Italian culture....they are very natural and earthy.. * *please enjoy this truth about Italians. Enjoy! * *Italians have a $40,000 kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the basement to cook. * *There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living room, bedroom, front porch and backyard. * *The living room is filled with old wedding favors with poofy net bows and stale almonds (they are too pretty to open). * *A portrait of the Pope and Frank Sinatra hang in the dining room. * *God, forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat Chef Boy-ar-dee, Franco American, Ragu, Prego, or anything else labeled as Italian in a jar or can. * *Meatballs are made with pork, veal and beef. Italians do not care about cholesterol. * *Turkey is served on Thanksgiving AFTER the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna, and minestrone or shcarole soup. * *If anyone EVER says ESCAROLE, slap em in the face -- its SHCAROLE. * *Sunday dinner was at 2:00PM sharp. The meal went like this... The table was set with everyday dishes. It doesnt matter if they dont match. Theyre clean; what more do you want? * *All the utensils go on the right side of the plate and the napkin goes on the left.* *A clean kitchen towel was put at Nonnas & Papas plates because they wont use napkins. * *Homemade wine and bottles of 7-UP are on the table.* *First course, Antipasto... Change plates. * *Second course, macaroni. * *All pasta was called macaroni... Change plates.* *Third course, roast beef, potatoes and vegetables... * *Change plates. * *THEN, and only then - NEVER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL - would you eat the salad drenched in homemade oil & vinegar dressing... Change plates. * *Next course, fruit & nuts - in the shell - on paper plates because you ran out of the real ones. * *Last was coffee with anisette espresso for Nonna, American coffee for the rest - with hard cookies (biscotti) to dunk in the coffee. * *The kids would go out to play. * *The men would go lay down. They slept so soundly that you could do brain surgery on them without anesthesia. * *The women cleaned the kitchen. * *We got screamed at by Mom or Nonna, and half of the sentences were English, the other half Italian. * *Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but could nail you in the head with a shoe thrown from the kitchen while you were in the living room. * *Other things particular to Italians... * *The prom dress that Zia Ceserina made you cost only $20.00, which was for the material. * *The prom hairdo was done free by Cousin Angela. * *Turning around at the prom to see your entire family, including your Godparents, standing in the back of the gym... **PRICELESS! * -- This message has been scanned for viruses and dangerous content by MailScanner, and is believed to be clean.
Posted on: Thu, 06 Mar 2014 16:33:33 +0000
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